Hari Raya

This year's hari raya was different, spent the early hours with some of the brothers playing a lil bit of bridge and mahjong. Then i went back to sleep at abt 4 to 5 am. Woke up at 3 plus, talked to roz on the phone for quite awhile...had a quick shower after that and rushed down to iylia's place for a tea gathering which i'm really grateful and honoured to be invited. Thanks bro. =) As always, i had a great time with the brothers, along with tabitha, cal, her lil sister and great food! =D Unfortunately i had to leave early because i had to work at 6pm.

THE BROTHERHOOD @ Iylia'sErnest, Leon and ME
Work was alright, am beginning to pick myself up from the unfortunate mishap which occured on sunday during work. Its really tough to get rid of this phobia. I shall not mention what happened because i have my reasons. But anyway, all i can do is learn from my mistakes and move on. It was a really painful way to learn from a mistake, well shit happens...but hey, so do MIRACLES.

brendawwg

Arghh...i initially wanted to post this entry last night outside spinelli but the wireless reception was bad. anyway..i went to the gym for the first time in MANY MONTHS. OH gawwd my muscles are aching. I NEED A FULL BODY MASSAGE. =p After that, i headed down to meet darren, leon, iylia, wilson, muks and zhen for dinner at far east plaza. After dinner, we chilled at spinelli to play bridge and just enjoy each other's company. It was my first time bidding 4 times for no trump or spades last night..usually i would stop at 3. Hahaa..

Blardy mukund still couldnt get my name right..he thought its spelled as "brandon". Out of a sudden, someone thought of calling me "brendork"...like wtf?! Then someone else came out with "brendawwg" from the eastside yo. Lol. Its amazing how a new topic can be created just because someone made a freaking spelling mistake with my name. SO does "brendawwg" sound cool? lol.

On the other note, i've been quite affected by whats going on lately. I dont want to say much, because i've reached up to the point where i dont know what else to say. I feel so drained, emotionally and mentally..it seems that the words of advise i give is of no use. SIGH. That doesnt mean i've given up, but it doesnt mean i've never had that thought too. Some say it'll just be a phase, well i really hope so. I hope things would be just like how it was before...or even better.

a bore

YAY!!! i've finally bought a pair of Westones ear phones for my Ipod! However, i got the UM1. I really wanted to get the UM2 but its WAY ABOVE my budget. =( The UM1 is already quite expensive for a pair of ear phones with a single driver in each side. I got it at S$155. You guys may think i'm nuts. Well my brother thought i was nuts, he said he can buy 2 ipod ear phones. I decided to let him check it out for himself. Played "Billy Jean" by Michael Jackson and cranked up the volume to half..and all i could see was that smile of bliss on his face. =) Kudos to darren for introducing me to this brand..if not for him, i would probably get the ipod original ear phones again.

You guys may have never heard of Westones but its awesome stuff man. I've compared the UM1 to the Bang & Olufsen Ear Phones which cost much more. In terms of sound clarity and quality, Westones beat B&O flat man. Yes, i admit that B&O has come up with really a good design, but thats all about it. I've heard the B&O earphones myself and they are not even close to Westones. As for the UM2, its almost 3 times the price of the UM1. Its definitely much better in clarity and quality because it has 2 drivers in each ear phones. More bass, treble and balance. Simply awesome stuff...now thats what i call music to your ears. Hmmm..i hope to get the UM2 in the near future...well Christmas is just round the corner. =)

Moving on..i just wish this week to end asap. Actually i just want this sem to end QUICK! I'm really looking forward to December. =) School has been quite a bore, lets just say that feels different. But thanks to the great company of a few friends in class, its not really that bad. Sitting through economics is really a dread for me, i just cant tolerate the monotonous tone of my lecturer, really makes me feel like sleeping. Its even worse when i see some classmates sleeping. However i really try to stay awake cos i know its important and its quite interesting. BUT the lecturer is not really making the subject interesting. =( Well..i just gotta keep telling myself to persevere cos no one's gonna help me besides God and myself.

Ok i've tried to upload pics but blogger is being a bitch. I'll upload it another time. Anyway, its late..gd night and hope tomorrow will be a better day.


"all i can do now is just pray."

the roads that lead me there are winding

its now 1230am and i just got home from work not too long ago. didnt really have a proper dinner..i just had home cooked carrot cake by my mum, a kiwi fruit, tomato juice and chocs. i'm not really tired from work, but neither am i energetic enough to hit the books to study even just for awhile.

Work was great, the pace was pretty slow tonight and it actually gave me a chance to practice my service sequence and interact with some of the regular customers. Btw, i'm working part time at this restaurant called Cellar Door off bukit timah. Anyway, I've realised that i can learn alot from my managers in many areas in the hospitality industry. Ok i'm not gonna describe the different jobs done by all of my managers. I'm just gonna blog abt one, who has really talked to me about things that really matters, making the right choices and decisions in what i really want to specialise in the hospitality industry. I'm already 19 and i'm 2 yrs away from 21, which would make me officially an adult by then. Right now..i've got 2 more sems to go before i go for my 1 yr working attachment and followed by 2 yrs of national service. I dont have much time left, i need to think about which area i really want to focus in.

I have so many ambitions in mind! I've always wanted to be a fighter pilot since i was in primary school..Gosh all thanks to the all time classic kick ass movie "topgun" starring tom cruise and his mothergoose co-pilot. Damn..the dog fights, speed and adrenaline rush...i can already feel that just by watching "topgun" and other movies and shows which features dogfights. Well, lets just hope i'll still have my perfect eye sight when my time is up to serve the nation. The next ambition i have in mind is to own a casual dining restaurant which caters to the majority. Probably not here in Singapore unless i really have a huge pool of capital. Maybe Australia..its cheaper to start up a restaurant there and there are schools which specialise in restaurant management. Yeah..big bucks can be earned from owning a dining establishment, its the planning and initial starting-up stage which IS very very taxing. Running a restaurant requires a pretty huge sum of capital, and one must be prepared to make loses for first few years. Its like planting a seed and waiting for it to grow into a tree. I'll really need to do lots of self-studying and research. I have so much more to share, but i'm getting really sleepy..and i've got school at 830am.

Looks like i've got a looooong way to reach my goals and dreams. God please help me.

no longer the same in your eyes

i've been thinking to myself, after all these years being a teenager, making persecutions and judgemental remarks after hearing about how some guys out there have been a bastard and a jerk to girls...least to mention their gfs or spouses...i've realised that i'm not so different compared to them after making a mistake myself. although i just found it trivial, not really important and not worth mentioning (no i wasnt having an affair), i've broken one of the basic and most fundamental foundations which keeps a relationship strong..which is TRUST. some may have this mentality where sometimes its better to just keep quiet about it although one may think its not important (somethings are better left unsaid), or you have those who think differently and strongly believes that no matter what happens you've gotta be truthful. well..the latter was an agreement we both had..and i broke it. it was unintentional but i did.

so that makes me one of them eh? to think i'm different, special, unique, a lady's man and etc...well yea i WAS...but sadly not anymore. Not only have i disappointed myself, but i've let down the one who i so dearly love, who saw me that way too. That makes me even more...sour about myself. No i'm NOT gonna just degrade myself just because of this, i know i'm much better because of Christ in Me. Thank God for His grace and mercy towards me...i've been given another chance.

Work and school hasnt been that great either. condemnation keeps attacking me from all angles. again, i thank God for the fact that He's for me and not against me. I'm not excelling in school..there are people tell me straight in the face that i'm "hopeless." Well, i'm not because i have a living God who is bigger than the idols they worship. Therefore, i dont really give a damn about what others say or think negative about me, because i have a God who never gives up on me even though i may give up on myself sometimes. I think being conscious about how much He loves me despite my flaws, gives me the drive to walk down this journey of life. Not forgetting the people who evolves around me, add life to my world and loves me, my family, my close friends and her.

love,
brendan

"Why do we fall? So that we can pick ourselves up again."

just for fun

1.what kind of first impression do you think
people think when they first see you?
- pretty good looking eh.. (hahaha ya right..)

2. what's one thing you like to do alone?
- sing

3. what is your favorite line to say when you're drunk?
- oh my gawwwwd

4. how many drinks do u need before u get tipsy?
- hah..buy me drinks to find out.

5. Do you have any purpose for living?
- on some days

6. what kind of books do you like to read?
- novels..sometimes poetry

7. do you think you're cute?
- hah

8. do you have a problem changing clothes infront of your friends?
- guy friends nope

9. what do you eat/drink when you raid the fridge at night?
- chocolate!

10. describe your bed?
- dark blue...with the word LOVE. Its the love bed. hurr

11. spontaneous or planned?
- whichever

12. do you know how to play poker?
- yeap

13. what do you carry with you at all times?
- mobile phone, wallet, ipod, key and a international calling card.

14. what do you miss most about being a kid?
- the carefree life

15. are you happy with your given name?
- very much

16. what color is your bedroom?
- white

17. have you ever been in a play?
- yes. Three little pigs in kindergarten..i was one of the rooftops. -_-

18. do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
- yes i like myself but i dont really believe in myself..i believe in Him.

19. do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
- too nice i guess?

20. do you spend more time with your girlfriend/boyfriend or your friends?
- ALL!

21. what's one thing you wish you could do but can't?
- forget abt serving national service and study in aus

22. what is your ideal wedding location?
- the ritz-carlton...or by the beach (not in singapore)

23. whats one instrument you wish you could play?
- the guitar

24. whats one language you want to learn?
- french

25. have you ever pierced your body parts?
- yes

26. do you have any tattoos?
- no

27. what's one trait you hate in a person?
- all talk but no actions

28. do you consider yourself materialistic?
- oh yes...in certain aspects.

29. what do you cook best?
- beef steaks.

30. favorite person/s to talk with on the phone?
- her

i'm not what i used to be before,
maybe that was because i never knew what love was for.
now my heart is sore...

whenever i close my eyes,
i feel left behind,
crying and wondering
whether you'll ever be mine.

will this be history?
or jus remain as a mstery?
filled without any misery.
i'll jus call it my destiny

do i have to pay a price
for jus being too nice?

Storm

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
The water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see You, everything would be alright
If I see You this darkness will turn to light
And I will walk on water
And You will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into Your eyes
And everything will be alright
And everything will be alright

I know You didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Cos I'm so used to living under the surface

If I could just see You, everything would be alright
If I see You this darkness will turn to light
And I will walk on water
And You will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into Your eyes
And everything will be alright

And I will walk on water
You will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright
Now everything is alright
Everything's alright.