when darkness turns to light, it ends tonight

Today, I've decided that its time to end this chapter of my life and start a new one. Well, one of the ways i'm going about in moving on is to shift to another blog. some of you may think its an unnecessary move, but i feel it has to be done because there are just some memories (which no longer hold any meaning to me) that will hinder me from letting go and moving on. No i'm not saying i havent, i already have. I just wanna fresh beginning.

The new blog site is not really up yet because i'm still figuring out how to edit my page. Nope i'm not going back to blogspot, am thinking of trying something new. Rest assured i'll update all you fellow readers of SUAVEBRENDAN on the URL once its done. =)) just pm me on msn messenger or i'll pm you to inform you about the new blog.

Just wanna thank all you readers out there, be it brothers, sisters or friends...for bothering to care for me all this while when i needed it, by checking the updates of my life in this blog. I wouldnt be where i am right now if not for the advices and time sacrificed to be there for me when i really needed. THANK YOU.

Till then, good night and i'll be back! CIAO!

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when you're blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

Not Quite My Juliet

If you just walked away
what could i really say?
It wouldn't matter anyway.
It wouldn't change how you feel.
I've fought so hard for you
but you still walked away.

Yet you claim I'm being missed
and I'm your future
while you're at it with someone else"super".
He is "Mr Brightside" you say
then what am i today?
Tell me what should i believe?
When all I see are contradictions.

There's only so much i can say
the rest i leave it to God's way
For now
I've packed a change of clothes
and i guess
its time to move on.

Ok, i believe you but my tommy gun dont

I am heaven sent.
Don't you dare forget.
I am all you've ever wanted.
What all the other boys all promised.
Sorry I told.
I just needed you to know.
I think in decimals and dollars.
I am the cause to all your problems.
Shelter from cold.
We're never alone.
Coordinate brain and mouth.
Then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out.
I wish I knew.
I hope this song starts a craze.
The kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
The kind of song that makes people glad to be where they are with who ever they're there with.
This is war.
Every line is about who I don't wanna write about anymore.
I hope you come down with something they can't diagnose, don't have the cure for.
Holding on to your grudge.
It's so hard to have someone to love.
Keeping quiet is hard.
Cause you can't keep a secret if it never was a secret to start.
At least pretend you didn't want to get caught.

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe... in us.
We're so controversial.
We are entirely smooth.
We admit to the truth.
We are the best at what we do.
These are the words you wish you wrote down.
This is the way you wish your voice sounds.
Handsome and smart.
My tongue's the only muscle in my body that works harder than my heart.
And it's all from watching TV and from speeding up my breathing.
Wouldn't stop if I could.
It hurts to be this good.
You're holding on to your grudge.
It hurts to always have to be honest with the one that you love.
So let it go.

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe...
We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe... in us.

This is the craze only we can bestow.
This is the price you pay for loss of control.
This is the break in the battle.
This is the closest of calls.
This is the reason you're alone.
This is the reason you fall.

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe...
We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe... in us.

reminisces

blasting: 3 doors down - here without you


arrggghh....i'm just too tired to blog now.

gd night.

Try this On, Straightjacket Feeling

I'm AMUSED that you're so good at pretending everything is alright.

Excuse me,
while i fall apart, dont flatter yourself sweetheart

.

Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it's stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you're the problem and you can't feel
Try this on, straightjacket feeling
so maybe I won't be alone
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was over
Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again

Trust you is just one defense
off a list of others, you don't make sense
Beg me time and time again
to take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was over
Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That FACE is tearing holes in me again,
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

And when the memory slips away
There will be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
and just the thought of you I fear
it falls away

Yesterday was over,
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

As i was deleting the old smses in my inbox, I came across a msg saying that "by getting into a relationship now, it will jeopardize our chances of having a relationship at the end of the yr. i just want us to be bestfriends for now." Well, looks like it has already been jeopardized..even if its being best friends.

I guess..i'll be better off without people like her.

TGIFF

THANK GOD ITS FUCKING FRIDAY!

Wooohooo! thank god again i'm working from 11am-7pm today and that tomorrow's my off day! like FINALLY. so that means i can be merry and drink with the brothers till late at happy daze without having to worry about waking up early for work. Sleep till lunch time and wake up in time for youth service. Yeah yeah...go ahead and think that its blasphemy to get high the night before going to church, i dont give a fuck. Anyway...even though the band is gonna do without the bassist (Darren's going for church camp) and the drummer (in camp i think?), i'm sure its gonna be a fucking great night. Its unfortunate that leon wouldnt be able to join us because he's in bali with his folks. I'm very sure he misses the brotherhood..lol. of course we miss him too. =)

Its now 330am and i'm supposed to be sleeping by now. My eyes look like slits and my body needs rest, but i'm so afraid to sleep because my head feels heavy from all the thoughts, images and shit flashing in my head. what a fucking heavy burden and pain i have to live with everyday, putting on a fake smile when i work and sometimes in the past, try to be happy when i'm with my friends. dont get me wrong, i really thank god i have friends who can be there for me when i really needed, but sometimes i just feel FAKE like porcelain. =/

Tears In Heaven

Before i try to get some sleep, i just remembered that i had a...well...emotional dream a couple of nights back. I dream i was in heaven (i think), and i met someone, all i did was just look at her and tear without saying a word. It was a scene of her enjoying herself, probably having the time of her life on pastures green. However, not realising that i was existent, even when i was standing right beside her looking in awe of her beauty and grace, the apple of my eye. i guess that was why i tear. Gd night.

Would you know my name? If i saw you in heaven.

I guess not.

I feel you from a distance

I feel you crawling underneath my skin,
starting from the nerves sending blood
rushing up my head
like a volcano about to erupt.
I feel flushed
and it feels like i have a fever.
I feel you through my bones,
sending tingles and shivers
throughout my body.
When i feel these,
thoughts just keep rushing in.

Everyday i fight these feelings,
but it just keeps bringing me down.
For your sake i will try to hide these feelings
you can run all your life, all mine i will chase

There's a saying
you should never fight your feelings
when your very bones believe them.

But sometimes i wonder
Is this a spell which i am under?

Love and Hate - caught in between

Now i know how it feels like to hate someone so much because you love her so fucking much more. I hate this feeling, of getting caught in the middle of love and hate. Well, i cant say which side weighs more because it swings like a pendulum..and that affects my mood as well.

Someone posted me a pretty simple question, but yet it required me to go through the process of killing some brain cells when trying to give an answer, "What do you want out of this?".

Frankly, i really cant decide when my feelings and emotions are mixed.

sometimes, JUST SOMETIMES, i just wish i have a heart like stone so that i can be immune to these kind of feelings. Oh and a brain which has a "delete" button to delete the memories which seems to no longer hold any meaning now.

Fuck i hate this feeling. -.-

A hundred things to see

When you're finding ways to kill time when there's nothing to do at work.

001. Real Name - Brendan

002. Nickname - Blim & Suave

003. Single or taken - Single

004. Astrological Sign - Cancer

005. Male or Female - Male

006. Elementary School - Anglo-Chinese School (Junior)

007. Ipod - Photo (White)

008. How many buddies on your Friendster list - 639

009. Friendster name - Brendan

010. Hair Color - Natural light brown

012. Hair Long or Short - Short

014. Eye Color - Brown

015. Are you health freak - Not really

016. Height - 173cm

017. Do you have a crush on someone - Nope

018. Do you like yourself - Yeah i guess

020. Think you're awesome? - I'm fucking awesome

021. Piercings - Used to, on my LEFT ear

022. Tattoo - No

024. Surgery - Yes, when i was a kid

025. First piercing - 18 yrs old

026. First best friend - Jeremiah Charles Chen, 1998

027. First Award - Some bursary award in sec sch.

028. First Sport You Joined - Swimming

029. First pet - Hamsters

030. First vacation - Bali maybe?

031. First Concert - In kindergarten

032. First Love - Rozanne

*Favorites
033. Favorite movie - 300!

034. Favorite tv show - BBC Top Gear

035. Colors - Black, Red, Purple, Brown

036. Music - Alternative Rock

039. Drink - Nothing in particular

040. Body part not on the face - "bob"

041. Cartoon - Southpark!

042. Favorite piece of clothing - Jeans

043. Brand Of Clothing - CK

044. What do you sleep with - A pillow?

045. Favorite School - Anglo Chinese School (Barker Road) (:

046. Favorite Animal(s) - Dogs & Cats

047. Favorite Book - Tom Clancy

048. Favorite Magazine(s) - BBC Top Gear, CAR, anything about cars!

049. Food - Hokkien Mee

050. I'm drinking - On my saliva

052. I'm about to - Go home in 2 and a half more hours!

053. Listening to - Nothing

055. Waiting For - No one

056. Watching - The world go by.

057. Wearing - Not proud to say..my uniform. -_-

*Your Future
058. Want Kids - Yes

059. Want to Get Married - Definitely

060. Career in Mind - Fighter Pilot, Hotelier or Businessman

068. Lips or Eyes - Eyes

069. Hugs or Kisses - Kisses

070. Shorter or Taller - Shorter

072. Romantic or Spontaneous - Romantic

073. Nice stomach or nice arms - Both of course

074. Sensitive or Loud - Er, both?

075. Hook-up or Relationship - Relationship

076. Sweet or Caring - Both again.

077. Trouble Maker or Hesitant - Definitely NOT a trouble maker

*Have you ever
078. Kissed a Stranger - No

079. Drank bubbles - No

080. Lost glasses/contacts - Sunglasses? Then its a yes.

081. Ran Away From Home - No

082. Broken a bone - No

083. Got an X-ray - Yes

084. Broken a heart - Unfortunately yes

085. Someone Broke Yours - Fuck yes

086. Turned Someone Down - Yes

087. Cried When Someone Died - No

088. Cried at school - Yes

*Do You Believe In
089. Jesus - With all my heart

090. Miracles - Yes

091. Love at first sight - Not really

093. Aliens - Yes, i see them on the streets everyday.

094. Magic - No

095. Heaven - Yes

096. Santa Claus - NO! He still owes me lots of presents since i was a kid. Wait..there are so many of them.

097. Sex on the first date - No

098. Kissing on the First Date - Nope

099. Angels - Yes, i would like to meet you if you consider yourself one. (:

100. Is there someone you want to be with right now? - yes..in fact 2..my mum and dad. i miss my mummy and daddy. =((