No i wont wait forever

watched spider man 3 with ryan and aaron at the grand cathay right after work at night last saturday. i heard from others who watched the show earlier than me that it isnt as good as spider man 2, but i think otherwise! i think its an awesome show with great morales and lessons behind it. errrm...the only lessons depicted from the movie i can think of now is that revenge is like a poison as you will not only cause harm to yourself but your love ones as well and to learn to forgive yourself. I feel its really important for us to give ourselves another chance. Ok its not like spider man 2 didnt have good lessons to learn from but the 3rd one is way better! Well, i got really emotional during the movie because it brought me on a guilt trip. I somehow felt that like i was in the same shoes as peter parker. NO not his life as spidey man but his love life. just watch it and those of you who know me well enough will know what i mean.

it has been abt 3 months and things still arent the same like how it used to be..well i can say its better but its just not what i expect it to be, especially after putting in so much effort. I dont want to beat myself up...but i just keep asking myself why and where did i go wrong again? Probably because my looks becoming boring and some dude is cuter so might as well go for a change eh? It keeps flactuating like the stock market, pretty unpredictable. There would be days when i would feel mellow and thank god because its getting better and overnight it can be totally different. I really wish to believe and accept whatever reasons were given for being "different" but my intuitions (NOT female) tell me otherwise. But what can i do? In the midst of this so called storm, I feel that i'm getting a taste of my own poison (not about revenge..well maybe towards me), despite all the sacrifices made, being utterly apologetic about my mistakes and proving that i've repented and am really sincere towards that person. Guess thats life, one mistake is all it takes to ruin all your good impressions or deeds...and it takes 10 times more effort to make up for that mistake and prove to the other person and most importantly yourself that it wont happen again. I've done that..what now?

I wonder how long more can i take this...my so called "high" tolerance level is taking a toll on me and i think i'm sick...getting sick and tired too.

anyway..check out the OST by snow patrol. "signal fire"

The perfect words never crossed my mind,
'cause there was nothing in there but you,
I felt every ounce of me screaming out,
But the sound was trapped deep in me,
All I wanted just span right past me,
While I was rooted fast to the earth,
I could be stuck here for a thousand years,
Without your arms to drag me out,

There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

No I wont wait forever
No I wont wait forever

In the confusion and the aftermath,
You are my signal fire,
The only resolution and the only joy,
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes,

There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,

There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,

No I wont wait forever
No I wont wait forever
No I wont wait forever