Christ in Me the Hope of Glory

when darkness turns to light, it ends tonight

2007-06-16T02:44:00.000+08:00

Today, I've decided that its time to end this chapter of my life and start a new one. Well, one of the ways i'm going about in moving on is to shift to another blog. some of you may think its an unnecessary move, but i feel it has to be done because there are just some memories (which no longer hold any meaning to me) that will hinder me from letting go and moving on. No i'm not saying i havent, i already have. I just wanna fresh beginning.

The new blog site is not really up yet because i'm still figuring out how to edit my page. Nope i'm not going back to blogspot, am thinking of trying something new. Rest assured i'll update all you fellow readers of SUAVEBRENDAN on the URL once its done. =)) just pm me on msn messenger or i'll pm you to inform you about the new blog.

Just wanna thank all you readers out there, be it brothers, sisters or friends...for bothering to care for me all this while when i needed it, by checking the updates of my life in this blog. I wouldnt be where i am right now if not for the advices and time sacrificed to be there for me when i really needed. THANK YOU.

Till then, good night and i'll be back! CIAO!

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when you're blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

Not Quite My Juliet

2007-06-15T14:26:00.000+08:00

If you just walked away
what could i really say?
It wouldn't matter anyway.
It wouldn't change how you feel.
I've fought so hard for you
but you still walked away.

Yet you claim I'm being missed
and I'm your future
while you're at it with someone else"super".
He is "Mr Brightside" you say
then what am i today?
Tell me what should i believe?
When all I see are contradictions.

There's only so much i can say
the rest i leave it to God's way
For now
I've packed a change of clothes
and i guess
its time to move on.

Ok, i believe you but my tommy gun dont

2007-06-15T05:55:00.000+08:00

I am heaven sent.
Don't you dare forget.
I am all you've ever wanted.
What all the other boys all promised.
Sorry I told.
I just needed you to know.
I think in decimals and dollars.
I am the cause to all your problems.
Shelter from cold.
We're never alone.
Coordinate brain and mouth.
Then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out.
I wish I knew.
I hope this song starts a craze.
The kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
The kind of song that makes people glad to be where they are with who ever they're there with.
This is ~~war.~~
Every line is about who I don't wanna write about anymore.
I hope you come down with something they can't diagnose, don't have the cure for.
Holding on to your grudge.
It's so hard to have someone to love.
Keeping quiet is hard.
Cause you can't keep a secret if it never was a secret to start.
At least pretend you didn't want to get caught.

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe... in us.
We're so controversial.
We are entirely smooth.
We admit to the truth.
We are the best at what we do.
These are the words you wish you wrote down.
This is the way you wish your voice sounds.
Handsome and smart.
My tongue's the only muscle in my body that works harder than my heart.
And it's all from watching TV and from speeding up my breathing.
Wouldn't stop if I could.
It hurts to be this good.
You're holding on to your grudge.
It hurts to always have to be honest with the one that you love.
So let it go.

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe...
We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe... in us.

This is the craze only we can bestow.
This is the price you pay for loss of control.
This is the break in the battle.
This is the closest of calls.
This is the reason you're ~~alone.~~
This is the reason you fall.

We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe...
We're concentrating on falling apart.
We were contenders, now throwing the fight.
I just wanna believe... in us.

reminisces

2007-06-14T03:30:00.000+08:00

blasting: 3 doors down - here without you

arrggghh....i'm just too tired to blog now.

gd night.

Try this On, Straightjacket Feeling

2007-06-10T21:24:00.000+08:00

I'm AMUSED that you're so good at pretending everything is alright.

Excuse me,
while i ~~fall apart~~, dont flatter yourself ~~sweetheart~~

.

Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it's stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you're the problem and you can't feel
Try this on, straightjacket feeling
so maybe I won't be alone
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was over
Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again

Trust you is just one defense
off a list of others, you don't make sense
Beg me time and time again
to take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was over
Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That FACE is tearing holes in me again,
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

And when the memory slips away
There will be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
and just the thought of you I fear
it falls away

Yesterday was over,
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

As i was deleting the old smses in my inbox, I came across a msg saying that "by getting into a relationship now, it will jeopardize our chances of having a relationship at the end of the yr. i just want us to be bestfriends for now." Well, looks like it has already been jeopardized..even if its being best friends.

I guess..i'll be better off without people like her.

TGIFF

2007-06-08T03:23:00.000+08:00

THANK GOD ITS FUCKING FRIDAY!

Wooohooo! thank god again i'm working from 11am-7pm today and that tomorrow's my off day! like FINALLY. so that means i can be merry and drink with the brothers till late at happy daze without having to worry about waking up early for work. Sleep till lunch time and wake up in time for youth service. Yeah yeah...go ahead and think that its blasphemy to get high the night before going to church, i dont give a fuck. Anyway...even though the band is gonna do without the bassist (Darren's going for church camp) and the drummer (in camp i think?), i'm sure its gonna be a fucking great night. Its unfortunate that leon wouldnt be able to join us because he's in bali with his folks. I'm very sure he misses the brotherhood..lol. of course we miss him too. =)

Its now 330am and i'm supposed to be sleeping by now. My eyes look like slits and my body needs rest, but i'm so afraid to sleep because my head feels heavy from all the thoughts, images and shit flashing in my head. what a fucking heavy burden and pain i have to live with everyday, putting on a fake smile when i work and sometimes in the past, try to be happy when i'm with my friends. dont get me wrong, i really thank god i have friends who can be there for me when i really needed, but sometimes i just feel FAKE like porcelain. =/

Tears In Heaven

2007-06-08T03:20:00.000+08:00

Before i try to get some sleep, i just remembered that i had a...well...emotional dream a couple of nights back. I dream i was in heaven (i think), and i met someone, all i did was just look at her and tear without saying a word. It was a scene of her enjoying herself, probably having the time of her life on pastures green. However, not realising that i was existent, even when i was standing right beside her looking in awe of her beauty and grace, the apple of my eye. i guess that was why i tear. Gd night.

Would you know my name? If i saw you in heaven.

I guess not.

I feel you from a distance

2007-06-07T13:12:00.000+08:00

I feel you crawling underneath my skin,
starting from the nerves sending blood
rushing up my head
like a volcano about to erupt.
I feel flushed
and it feels like i have a fever.
I feel you through my bones,
sending tingles and shivers
throughout my body.
When i feel these,
thoughts just keep rushing in.

Everyday i fight these feelings,
but it just keeps bringing me down.
For your sake i will try to hide these feelings
you can run all your life, all mine i will chase

There's a saying
you should never fight your feelings
when your very bones believe them.

But sometimes i wonder
Is this a spell which i am under?

Love and Hate - caught in between

2007-06-07T12:35:00.000+08:00

Now i know how it feels like to hate someone so much because you love her so fucking much more. I hate this feeling, of getting caught in the middle of love and hate. Well, i cant say which side weighs more because it swings like a pendulum..and that affects my mood as well.

Someone posted me a pretty simple question, but yet it required me to go through the process of killing some brain cells when trying to give an answer, "What do you want out of this?".

Frankly, i really cant decide when my feelings and emotions are mixed.

sometimes, JUST SOMETIMES, i just wish i have a heart like stone so that i can be immune to these kind of feelings. Oh and a brain which has a "delete" button to delete the memories which seems to no longer hold any meaning now.

Fuck i hate this feeling. -.-

A hundred things to see

2007-06-05T19:48:00.000+08:00

When you're finding ways to kill time when there's nothing to do at work.

001. Real Name - Brendan

002. Nickname - Blim & Suave

003. Single or taken - Single

004. Astrological Sign - Cancer

005. Male or Female - Male

006. Elementary School - Anglo-Chinese School (Junior)

007. Ipod - Photo (White)

008. How many buddies on your Friendster list - 639

009. Friendster name - Brendan

010. Hair Color - Natural light brown

012. Hair Long or Short - Short

014. Eye Color - Brown

015. Are you health freak - Not really

016. Height - 173cm

017. Do you have a crush on someone - Nope

018. Do you like yourself - Yeah i guess

020. Think you're awesome? - I'm fucking awesome

021. Piercings - Used to, on my LEFT ear

022. Tattoo - No

024. Surgery - Yes, when i was a kid

025. First piercing - 18 yrs old

026. First best friend - Jeremiah Charles Chen, 1998

027. First Award - Some bursary award in sec sch.

028. First Sport You Joined - Swimming

029. First pet - Hamsters

030. First vacation - Bali maybe?

031. First Concert - In kindergarten

032. First Love - Rozanne

*Favorites
033. Favorite movie - 300!

034. Favorite tv show - BBC Top Gear

035. Colors - Black, Red, Purple, Brown

036. Music - Alternative Rock

039. Drink - Nothing in particular

040. Body part not on the face - "bob"

041. Cartoon - Southpark!

042. Favorite piece of clothing - Jeans

043. Brand Of Clothing - CK

044. What do you sleep with - A pillow?

045. Favorite School - Anglo Chinese School (Barker Road) (:

046. Favorite Animal(s) - Dogs & Cats

047. Favorite Book - Tom Clancy

048. Favorite Magazine(s) - BBC Top Gear, CAR, anything about cars!

049. Food - Hokkien Mee

050. I'm drinking - On my saliva

052. I'm about to - Go home in 2 and a half more hours!

053. Listening to - Nothing

055. Waiting For - No one

056. Watching - The world go by.

057. Wearing - Not proud to say..my uniform. -_-

*Your Future
058. Want Kids - Yes

059. Want to Get Married - Definitely

060. Career in Mind - Fighter Pilot, Hotelier or Businessman

068. Lips or Eyes - Eyes

069. Hugs or Kisses - Kisses

070. Shorter or Taller - Shorter

072. Romantic or Spontaneous - Romantic

073. Nice stomach or nice arms - Both of course

074. Sensitive or Loud - Er, both?

075. Hook-up or Relationship - Relationship

076. Sweet or Caring - Both again.

077. Trouble Maker or Hesitant - Definitely NOT a trouble maker

*Have you ever
078. Kissed a Stranger - No

079. Drank bubbles - No

080. Lost glasses/contacts - Sunglasses? Then its a yes.

081. Ran Away From Home - No

082. Broken a bone - No

083. Got an X-ray - Yes

084. Broken a heart - Unfortunately yes

085. Someone Broke Yours - Fuck yes

086. Turned Someone Down - Yes

087. Cried When Someone Died - No

088. Cried at school - Yes

*Do You Believe In
089. Jesus - With all my heart

090. Miracles - Yes

091. Love at first sight - Not really

093. Aliens - Yes, i see them on the streets everyday.

094. Magic - No

095. Heaven - Yes

096. Santa Claus - NO! He still owes me lots of presents since i was a kid. Wait..there are so many of them.

097. Sex on the first date - No

098. Kissing on the First Date - Nope

099. Angels - Yes, i would like to meet you if you consider yourself one. (:

100. Is there someone you want to be with right now? - yes..in fact 2..my mum and dad. i miss my mummy and daddy. =((

Its time to be the better man

2007-06-04T23:41:00.000+08:00

after having a good talk and bonding session with ariel over teh peng (iced tea) talking about my complicated life and cars, i've more or less am able to see things in a different spectrum. I guess i am wrong, but not entirely, for being spiteful and inflicting hurt with the words i say towards a certain someone. No doubt i did feel good at the spur of the moment after pouring out my thoughts and feelings. However, after given unforeseen consequences and outcomes by ariel based on his past experiences, i realise that it isnt really worth it at all in the long run. i mean, why bother trying to force someone who doesnt want to be with you especially when you're already at a losing end because she has already decided to be with someone else? Like the saying goes, it takes two hands to clap. If the other party doesnt want to make it work out between the two of you, there's only so much you can do. I guess there's really nothing in it for me to be spiteful and hurtful as i still wont get her to see the light and the desired outcome i want. No point counting the pennies in pointing out wrong doings. Even IF she wants to work things out, i dont think i would wanna get back together at this point of time because that level of trust is just no longer there. I'll tell myself whats done is done and just keep my thoughts and feelings to myself even if it hurts like fuck. I dont wanna regret saying the things i've said. Therefore i would like to apologise for all the spiteful things i've said. I'm sorry. However, there are reasons behind for being spiteful which i will not mention.

I guess its almost the same feeling as having to sell away a car which brings lots of sentimental values to you, like my dad's old Volvo 850R. My dream car. Damn...that car rides fine, its swift, handles corners pretty well, except that its a bit twitchy and over all a very nice car to be in. (no offence to you women out there! its just an analogy that some of us guys use to see different perspectives.) yes...so as i was saying, women are almost like cars. Ranging from the Horse Carriages to the Red Hot Ferrari. Well lets say my so called "flings" in the past are the horse carriages. Later on in life, i had my first serious relationship, which is PROBABLY like the example of my dad's old Volvo 850R that has many sentimental values? Rides fine and well for the first few years and of course there were minor problems here and there which could be fixed...and slowly as it aged bigger problems came in and it could still be fixed, but the same problems kept cropping up and it led to bigger issues because there probably wasnt enough given time to assess the crucial problem because we were busy trying to solve the smaller ones. SO i guess my dad couldnt really continue footing the expensive maintenance as much as he would love to keep the car and hand it over to me to use, therefore he decided to just sell it away. It was a very emotional moment for me to see my dad handover the keys to someone else...because i just love that car so fucking much. However, i'm really determined to get that car, its just a matter of time.

Ok what i'm TRYING to say is that there are lots of nice cars, or in this context, women out there. Although they are nice and exotic like the Ferraris or Lamboghinis, sometimes they are just cars which are nice to rent for a day and thats about it. OK FUCK i seem like a player here, but i'm NOT! If you can afford it the by all means. just an example to show that these cars may not fit your personality or practicality besides the mere reason of showing off your wealth. Nothing wrong with that though. So maybe thats not the kind of car for you. So how about the VW Golf GTI? which is small and nimble with lots of gusto under the hood. A very practical car which is good for taking it to shopping with a fair amount of space to put your shopping bags and a swift car which can take you to places fast, depending on the way you handle it of course or you might just end up dead. Plus maintenance expenses arent that high. Good deal eh?

I guess its good to see which one fits you the best. Of course you wont find one which can completely describe yourself and meet all your requirements, most of it will do, with a lil bit of compromise with the flaws. I'm not saying that the 850R, or she, doesnt meet most of my requirements. I love her to bits, the looks, how those eyes look at me in the eye and i feel a strong connection with her, how the curves catches my attention when it swifts past me, the engine (personality), the comfort, the handling characteristics, though sometimes when being pushed above its limit, it doesnt really stick to wear the wheel turns as it gets a lil out of hand, but swerves back almost immediately when there's ample grip from the good pair of tyres and nice rims. oh and not forgetting the lovely exhaust, especially the orchestra it creates. *ahem*

After pulling up a pretty long and boring analogy, as much as i would like things to go my way, i guess i'll take the step of being the better man and take the greatest and hardest step ever to let go of the one i love the most although there will be times i'll feel a lil emo or damn fucking emo, because love hurts.

If i knew you were an organ grinder, i wouldnt have given you my heart.

. . .

2007-06-04T05:16:00.000+08:00

When we met, light was shed
Thoughts free flow
You said you've got something
Deep inside of you

A wind chime voice sound
Sway of your hips round rings true
It goes deep inside of you

These secret garden beams
Changed my life, so it seems
A fall breeze blows outside
I don't break stride, my thoughts are warm
And they go deep inside of you
Oh yeah

And I never felt alone, alright
Oh oh, till I met you

Friends say I've changed
I don't listen 'cuz I live to be
Deep inside of you

Slide of her dress
Shouts in darkness, I'm so alive
I'm deep inside of you

You said, "boy make girl feel good"
But still, deep inside
Still

I've never felt alone
Till I met you
I'm alright on my own
And then I met you
And I'd know what to do
If I just knew what's coming

I would change myself if I could
I'd walk with my people if I could find them
And I'd say that I'm sorry to you
I'm sorry to you

And I don't want to call you
But then I want to call you
'Cuz I don't want to crush you
But I feel like crushing you, and it's true
I took for granted you were with me
I breathe by your looks and you look right through me

But we were broke and didn't know
We were broke and didn't know
We were broke and didn't know
We were broke and didn't know

Something's gone, you withdraw
And I'm not strong like before
I was deep inside of you

I can go nowhere
I burn candles and stare
At a ghost deep inside of you

And some great need in me
Starts to bleed
I've lost myself, there's nothing left
It's all gone
Deep inside of you
Deep inside of you
Deep inside of you

Third Eye Blind - Deep Inside of You

Blessed Birthday Daddy!

2007-06-04T02:48:00.000+08:00

its my dad's birthday and i'm left at home with my 2 younger siblings. my mum has flew over to surabaya over the weekend to spend time and attend a wedding dinner with my dad and i guess they are heading over to bali later today or maybe tomorrow because my dad's on a business trip. its quite sad that my dad has to be away on HIS BIRTHDAY. Oh wells..might as well let my parents have their "sexy time" together without having to worry about their kids knowing whats going on in THE room. LOL!

Oh oh! I feel quite fustrated because the car's at home BUT I CANT SEEM TO FIND THE FREAKING KEY TO IT!! knnccb.. I spent one whole freaking hour looking for the key and i cant believe that my mum actually brought along BOTH the spare and master key with her. Hmmm...i cant imagine if she loses it there. lol. ok i know its pretty mean of me..but my mum tends to misplace her things here and there. anyway...ARGGHHH... i really miss driving! i really wish i could just drive to work and meet friends..and listen to rock and rnb on my ipod via the car's sound system while cruising. I think its a much more convenient and cheaper alternative than taking the public transport...especially when it comes to taking taxis. taking taxis can really create a freaking hole in my pocket. However, its the road tax and COE which gives me sceond thoughts about owning a car, unless i earn a 5 figure sum every month. I know its damn dangerous despite the fact that i know how to drive, but i havent come across single sight of any white stallions or carriages on the road the past few days.

Fuck, come to think of it..i would have gotten my license by NOW if not for...ahhh fuck i have to stop or i'll drift into feeling really fucked up. I guess i only have myself to blame, but frankly I have no regrets at all. Its just that thinking about it just makes me feel fucked because of the lies, contradictions and position i'm in right now. *takes a deep breath*

Sigh...its gonna be a long afternoon at work tmr and the day after. wed and thurs will be my night shift, which isnt too bad because i have the afternoon free till 930pm before i have to start making my way to work. Friday will be my off day and a night at HAPPY DAZE. saturday will be 11am-7pm and sunday 730 to 330. FINALLY i have the time to attend church! Gosh...i've missed 2 sundays of great services and 2 weekends. Saturdays and Sundays are no longer considered weekends to me because i've to work..esp when i work in the afternoon shift. -_-

HOKAY! Enough about my rants, this post WAS supposed to be only dedicated to my daddy, but look what happened, most of the entry is about me. Hmmm..thank god for the brotherhood and friends to hang out with till late. (: Aiiights...i'm gonna Zzzzzzzz....gd night and....

BLESSED BIRTHDAY DADDY!!
may you live to 120
to watch over and guide me like how you always have
and allowing me to return that gesture by taking care of you
and to see your great grandchildren.
have a great time bonding with mummy
God bless.

yay. mine is next in exactly 1 month and 1 day!
food,BOOZE,fun and drinking games with great company.
i cant wait.
but damn..i'm gonna hit the BIG 2! :(

2007-06-01T21:05:00.000+08:00

I think I'm drowning
asphyxiating
I wanna break the spell
that you've created
you're something beautiful
a contradiction

you will be
the death of me
yeah, you will be
the death of me

I wanted freedom
but I'm restricted
I tried to give you up
but I'm addicted

now that you know I'm trapped
sense of elation
you'll never dream of breaking this fixation
you will squeeze the life out of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

how did it become like this? =/

one of those moments

2007-06-01T02:35:00.000+08:00

Keith: eh here got wanton mee anot? (at jalan kayu)
Me, Leon & Ren: Why didnt you get it when you were at geylang just now? Yeah there is.
Keith: Errr...how i know there have. Then you all go there for what besides to eat?
Ren: To look for your mum.

ROFLOLZXZXXZXZXZX

check out this website. ITS THE IDIOT TEST

i failed twice because...
1. i missed out on something SMALL.
2. i was quite slow. =(

but that doesnt make me an idiot! and no i am not very slow..just RATHER. =)

Tentative Birthday Party

2007-05-31T06:28:00.000+08:00

Brothers and friends, i MIGHT hold a bday party over at my crib for the LAST TIME this coming july. Probably a combined one with a dear brother of mine, Iylia Khan S/O Jeffrey Khan, whose birthday is on the 22nd of July. Yes, the last time because my family and i are gonna shift out in november. =(( The thought of shifting out really sucks, i've been living under the same room for 15 years. Ahh...i'll leave that for another day. Sigh.

Anyway, i think it would be a great idea to celebrate my 20th bday..which is on the 5th of July =) , at my place for the last time with the brotherhood and close friends....along with BOOZE, food, great music and definitely great company! Its a proposal which i have yet to discuss with my dad, but i guess it shouldnt be a problem. After all, its the last time i will ever celebrate my birthday in that house. Rest assured i will keep you all updated! Just try to make yourselves free during the weekends on the 1st or 2nd week of july.

For the time being, it would be greatly appreciated if you all could start saving up to get me and iylia nice presents! lol. JUST KIDDING. But if you insist on getting me something, by all means pls do. hahaha. But most important of all, your attendance would definitely be much more appreciated. =)

Yawwwwwwwnnsss!

2007-05-31T05:02:00.000+08:00

This is my 3rd time doing night shift and it seems so looong and i'm feeling really sleepy. My first time doing night shift wasnt really bad...time seemed to pass really quickly. However last night was pretty slow and i began to feel sleepy at about 4-5 am?

yeah...anyway..all i can think of is my bed right now, i just wanna dive into it and sleeep till its time for dinner. ok maybe not so long because its my off day today and i think i'm going for a run with iylia and leon. lol..yes a run after so long. i'm too tired and sleepy to think of breakfast at this moment.. gosh i cant stop yawning and tears jus keep forming everytime i yawn. goshh....working during the night shift is NO FUN AT ALL. yes i do get to go online, take breaks and shit as and when i want to...and i really mean SHIT, thats about the only thing i can do! wait...this is already like a 9 hr break for me..the only set back is that i cant sleep! ok ok..i do sneak to the baggage room once in awhile to take 1/2 hr naps. LOL. Ssshhhhhhhh.....of course without my duty manager knowing...though i think she has an idea that i'll be at the back taking a "break" when i'm not behind the desk. hurrr. ok i know this entry is boring but i'm just typing this for the sake of doing something to keep myself awake besides playing online games on addictinggames.com, mousebreaker.com and spider solitaire. i get sick and tired playing games after sometime.

Oh oh! Last night as i was delivering newspapers to the rooms at about 5am..i heard a couple banging in their room. WHO THE HELL DOES IT AT 5AM?!?!?! oh my...they must have been doing it alllll night looong. hmmm...lol.

ok my manager and colleague are back from their break and its now MY TURN to take a "break"....go figure.

Love Seems Like a Playground

2007-05-30T01:02:00.000+08:00

many of you may think that i'm out of my mind to blog on a something which is quite sensitive. yeah maybe i am, but there are thoughts running in my head and i just wanna let it off and maybe you'll understand how i feel and the pain i'm going through. again, i'm not seeking sympathy from anyone, just thought of sharing my point of view.

well i'm sure many of us have heard from your parents or even religious leaders that sex is very sacred and is therefore meant for married couples. Well, apparently this morale is hardly practiced today and i'm not really proud to say that i didnt. However, i think or USED to think that it is a stage in a relationship where the couple feels and think they are meant for each other because of many factors, just to list a few, the strong affection and love towards each other, good times and bad spent together which bonds the 2 and makes them stronger as 1 and many others. As cliche as it may seem, it is happening in this world and society that we are living in right now. Yes i am also aware of so called "predators" out there who prey on others for the sheer fun of it, those who appear to be sweetie pies and a gentleman with ulterior motives behind it, especially when they've only gotten to know each other for such a short period of time (am not refering to anyone in particular, just generalising), but i guess who am i to judge? And also those who have this mindset that it is perfectly normal to have sex in any relationship regardless of whether its at an early stage or it has been going on for quite sometime and when it doesnt work out, theres no hard feelings involved and they just move on. Ok maybe i have no right to say that no hard feelings are involved, there definitely is, but its just not as hard as compared to those who feel that person is the one, to move on.

Having said all of the above mention, I just wanna share with you all, from a guy who takes relationships very seriously, (albeit the fact that i was a bastard once, but that doesnt define what i am now, unless i'm some recalcitrant) that being so physically close with someone whom you thought is "the one" will leave with you and in you a very strong emotional attachment. Trust me, this feeling kills you from the inside and it can either break you or make you. Here is just an example from a recent post by iylia which kinda expresses how i roughly feel. (i hope you wont mind bro!)

IF i do ever get into another relationship in the future, i wouldnt wanna come to a point where i would be immuned to all these feelings that i'm feeling right now even when i get married because i have a heart, a pretty compassionate one.

Oh Playground Love

Knee Injuries

2007-05-24T23:49:00.000+08:00

DARN IT! I just found out that its gonna take me 6 MONTHS of gym work out and exercising to fully recover from my knee injury. THATS DAMN FRICKING LONG...and my knees are hurting. =((((( prob because i strained it by running for 2 consecutive days. i'm really gonna take it slow from now on.

here's the link of the website on how to recover from a knee injury:

CLICK HERE

Anyway...i've got so much to blog about but i'm just gonna leave that for another day because i'm really sleepy.

yes...TGIF!!!! Chill out session with the brotherhood ahh hoood after work at night! Its been ages since i last met them. i'm definitely looking forward to that. As for now...

NITE!

this so called "manipulation"

2007-05-24T05:30:00.000+08:00

well it seems that someone or some people have misunderstood me for "manipulating" the minds of my ex's friends, which was NEVER my intention. I am shocked how it got to that level of "mind games" which could be because i mentioned that i was thankful for them in the previous post. Therefore, i thought i should make things clear especially when i feel someone maybe trying to "manipulate" her mind into thinking that i am the villain.

As much as i hate what has been done towards me, i'm not childish to reciprocate in hurting back by taking away her friends though i was pretty spiteful by the words i said. But hey, I'm Human, i have a Heart and i have Feelings. So dont judge or blame me for voicing out my thoughts and feelings about this because you are not in my position. Anyone..especially someone in particular, might have said that i've told them my "presumed" version of the story, but am i not wrong to presume it that way? if i am wrong, pls by all means enlighten me. Besides, we did try to see your point of view, based from the email which i was told everything that had to be said was stated in there, didnt make much sense at all. Let me repeat, for the last time i hope, you didnt say that you choose to be with him even when i asked you to choose over the phone, i was left dangling in midair. So dont accuse my or my friends' "presumed" conclusion was wrong because, lets just say it was pretty damn obvious that what was stated in the email prior to the so called relationship you're in formed no link and made no sense at all. Unless there were things which were missed out in the email. Oh yes, it just happened anyway. -_- Anyway..I dont think anyone who may not know me well will disagree with what i've said based on what was stated in the email. Dont worry...i cant be fucked anymore because i'm not reaping what i've been sowing. i just wanna clear things..since you see me as just a friend.

I've learnt from THE BROTHERHOOD that friends may disagree or show unhappiness about the things we do. But the difference between "true" friends and friends is that they express their opinions and thoughts whether they like the way things are or not upfront. But no matter what, they will always be your friends. So dont worry, your friends will always be here for you and they have always been though i may have spent time with some of them. Besides, everyone has their opinions and thoughts, you dont have to listen to them if they dont make sense to you.

Once again, I did no part in "manipulating" their minds, but if you still think so...by all means believe whatever you still believe.

BrotherHOOD for LIFE

2007-05-23T01:12:00.000+08:00

in the midst of this storm/crisis/tribulation/ whatever you wanna call it that i'm going through, i'm really thankful that i have the brotherhood..no wait, its THE BROTHERHOOD, thats right! and also friends like, just to name a few, cuishan, casey and parv, who have just been there for me when i really needed it. Thank you guys so much.

Anyway, the main highlight of my off day was that i finally gotta meet leon and zhen after soooo looong..not forgetting iylia too, whom i met 2 days ago. =) I'm really glad that misunderstandings have been cleared and that we've thrashed things out among ourselves. I also found out some stuffs from leon about someone. I was shocked just like how they were when they found out whats going on. Ahh...i cant be fucked to mention it. Just gd luck to her. Anyway..although we have not met for the past few months, we still felt tight. No no you twisted minds, tight as in close as bros, like we've been meeting up almost every week...though there might be a possibility that either one of them is gay...but DEFINITELY NOT me. lol. Oh wells, yay! i'm just glad that we are still close and i cant wait to chill out on fri with them and the rest of the brotherhood over drinks. Brotherhood ahh hoood!

I went for my FIRST RUN in months this afternoon...and i seriously felt like fainting under the scorching heat. Well, i ATTEMPTED to run my usual 5km ( i know you guys think i'm insane) which of course, i did not manage to manage to complete it. However! i'm very satisfied with my performance because i ran about 3 to 4 km despite the fact that i've not been exercising for months and....yar..thats all abt it. Yup somewhere between 3 to 4 km...but it felt like i ran 10 km! Surprisingly, my legs arent aching and my knee feels fine during and after the run! woohoo!! Cant wait to get back to playing rugby, but i have to hit the gym to strenghten my knees. I dont wanna pull my ligament AGAIN 'cause it hurts like fuck. But its nothing compared to what i'm feeling now.

anyway, i'm sleepy and i have to work from 11am-7pm. so GD NIGHT!

SO the truth is out, hidden beneath nth but LIES

2007-05-22T01:34:00.000+08:00

thats it.
i'm done WITH YOU.
so much hurt and lies you've inflicted on me
with your actions which do not link with the words you say
so much for being your "best guy friend" lol.
but i'm not gonna let this bring me further down
in a grave that you've digged for me
i'm gonna come out strong
its fucked up to know you're seeing "him" now
calling him baby and shit
so much for being "pretty good friends",
probably with benefits,
in such a short period of time.
"AMAZING GRACE!"
at the same time telling me you still care
giving me "hope" for the future
because you dont want to be distracted
for now as its an important year
and you want to find "yourself"
or be by "yourself"
because you wanna step out of your comfort zone.
OH ALL FUCKING BOLLOCKS.
ALL LIES.
even the tears you shed over the phone
are fake to me.
you're probably lying to him or yourself too.
i hope you are and i hope he reads this too.
because i know you're being a bitch
you ought not to be.
OMG i still see hope in you. =)
i'm not gonna wait like a fool
and be your safety net while you "explore the world"
with different guys.
i'm just gonna move on
and explore what God has installed for me.
Because i guess,
i deserve someone much better
than you.
However
its gonna be a really painful process,
but i'm going to,
i have to
even though i'm in this alone.
i'm surprised it took you such a short period of time
to move on
while i'm left in the ditch.
no i'm not seeking sympathy from anyone
ESPECIALLY YOU.
it will take quite awhile 'cause
i have a heart,
unlike you,
which needs time to be healed.
no i shall not bring up the promises made,
memories and sacred moments shared
for they have become
of no value.

goodbye my ex-lover,
goodbye my so called friend.
you have been the one for me.
its such a shame for us to part
and a disappointment for
leaving me alone
to mend the broken pieces.

now you've got your wish
i'm moving on without you.
all the best with "him".

p.s. maybe i should hand over the purple throne which you gave me for him to wear. right baby? oh yes...you're gonna tell me you can always make a new one. its ok..i'll just burn this one then. =)

oh what a waste.

My heart feels numb

2007-05-19T12:47:00.000+08:00

I'm in a melancholy mood..and all the songs of sadness keep playing in my head.
One of many songs is this...

Hey girl, is he everything you wanted in a man?
You know I gave you the world
You had me in the palm of your hand
So why your love went away
I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you babe
Me and you until the end
But I guess I was wrong

Now girl, I remember everything that you claimed
You said that you were moving on now
And maybe I should do the same
Funny thing about that is
I was ready to give you my name
Thought it was me and you, babe
And now, it's all just a shame
And I guess I was wrong

Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can't do without ya
Tell me is this fair?

Is this the way it's really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should've known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
It's breaking my heart to watch you run around
'Cause I know that you're living a lie
That's okay baby 'cause in time you will find...

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around...

What Goes Around, Comes Back Around Up Your Arse

2007-05-18T00:09:00.000+08:00

i've heard from and seen a few friends and acquaintances who had and are having long-distance relationships which do work out in the end. Everytime i look at them i wonder to myself "Why cant I be like them?" "Why cant mine be as successful as theirs?". Surprisingly i dont hate them, i feel happy for them. At the same time, i feel sad for myself. Why cant i be happy like them? Dont i deserve to be happy with someone i love though its a long distance relationship? yes i screwed up once, but i've fought so hard to prove that i'm worthy, sincere and repented. Why isnt that good enough to you? Am i not good enough? WHY? WHY? WHY?!?!

I hate being left alone to get over you..while you're going out with someone developing something new. Talking to him almost every night. Things i used to do and someone's doing it too. i hate it i hate it I HATE THIS!! Why cant it be just you and me? Why? This is so unfair...so FUCKING UNFAIR. I dont wanna be a safety net where you can just fall back on when things dont work out. Why do we have to go through this? We dont have to at all. But why? I'm beginning to feel useless, lousy and used after all the talk of saying that "ITS NOT OVER",that there's "HOPE" and "LOVE NEVER FAILS". What love is there left now for me when you're beginning to start something new with someone else? What more a barker boy. HAH! What a small world. Its such a shame that all the words said and efforts put in seem to have gone down the fucking canal into the sea just like that.

What can i do to make it right?
Fallen so hard, so fast this time
What did i do or say?
That pushed you away

I guess i'm getting a taste of my own poison...but i dont deserve this shit. i dont deserve it anymore.

Well, the saying goes, what goes around comes back around. Except that this time it comes straight up your arse, with a possibitlity that it might make a couple of twists and turns.

I cant wait to find out what else is installed for me, it will or might just turn out to be the "best" birthday present to recieve in a few months time.

Oooo...how exciting.

. . .

BACKSTREET BOYS - WAY BACK TO YOUR HEART

2007-05-17T16:09:00.000+08:00

I dont get it, whats the point of telling me that everything she said to me in the past, present and future will stay the same? who does she think she is? God? What more when she has given me a lil hint that she like this other guy who happens to be my ex primary sch mate and is in melbourne at her very own convenience? GEEES....will someone pls enlighten me whats between the lines or double confirm what ever i think it is?

Why tell me that i have to get over you? Why about you? Is it because you have gotten over me and you just wanna move on? Getting sick and tired of me? So you're trying to get me to be sick and tired of you? Fuck balls BITCH! And all you can say is "what can i do?" when i've been trying so hard to put things back together? Oh yes...what can you do especially when there's someone NEW and INTERESTING who can dance like SEX and is CUTE, whom you've met in your life? I'm sure that there's nothing you can do about that. Then whats the point of telling me that whatever you've told me in the past present and future will always be the same? Oh oh and please enlighten me on another perspective. Whats the rationale of telling me that there's so call HOPE for us in the future when you like someone else now? Enough of "if we really do love each other, we will eventually find ourselves back in each others arms." BOLLOCKS! You are definitely wrong and I dont believe in that and will never live with something which movie directors imagine and come up with their special minds. If we really do love each other so damn much, we go through thick and thin. Just the 2 of us all the way and no one else. THAT doesnt make any COW SENSE! So QUIT playing games with my heart and giving me a false sense of hope.

Yes i may have failed you once in the past, but i've been trying to put pieces back together with my own bare hands and all my heart. But i guess you cant seem to get over the things which i did that broke your heart. I'm sorry i failed again..i'm sorry i failed to hold you and pick you up from the this hell whole because you find mine unstable. I'm prob just a broken net you're left dangling on waiting for someone else, a prince charming to grab whole of you and land in his nicely mended net, while i mend mine. Not only have i failed in this, i've also failed because i cant be there where you are...whereas that someone can.

Pretty convenient eh? Dont we just love convenience. Well i've learnt the hard way that taking the most convenient route can be the wrong and dangerous one.

So what do i do? Follow my heart or mind? My mind tells me to fuck it because she doesnt seem to give a fuck about us anymore. Oh wait..there's no more us..just friends..ok well bestfriends according to her. So what more hope? But my heart tells me i love her like hell and it wants to go all out and take chances till it stops beating.

So tell me? do i follow my heart or mind?

GOD NOW WOULD BE A FUCKING GOOD TIME TO SAVE US...wait a minute..just her will do.

it seems after trying...the pieces dont fit anymore.

Only you can set me free

2007-05-17T14:02:00.000+08:00

YAAAAAAWWWWWWNNNSSSSSS!!! Good afternoon world. I just woke up after 8 hrs of sleep and i'm still sleepy. =/ Anyway..i'm having 2 off days this week! Thats because i was working during labour day which means my supervisor still owes me an extra day off. I had no choice but to clear it by this month, therefore i decided to take wednesday and thursday off together. It was a pretty good choice i must say because i gotta catch the A div rugby semi-finals, meet up with ronald whom i have not met in AGES and club. =)

The semi- finals was quite a disappointment. Why? ACJC lost to ACSI 15-6 and my brother didnt get a chance to play. But i gotta give it to both teams, it was indeed a good game. Both sides played their hearts out. However ACSI had the upper hand becaue they are just damn good. ACJC played well as well...they managed to camp in their opponents half but mistakes just caused them to lose possession of the ball. Sigh..it would be much more exciting if its an ALL AC finals. Oh well..another game was RJC vs SAJC. Dont wanna go into details how the game went because i cbf, but RJC won. So its ACJC vs SAJC fighting for 3rd/4th placing and ACSI and RJC in the finals.

(ACSI...PLEASE THRASH MOTHERFUCKING ARROGANT CUNTS)

Went to meet my bro and his gf at serene centre after the match because he left earlier and FORGOT to bring along his boots. I realised it was time for me to go home after half an hour because i had to meet Ronald in town for dinner followed by a night of fun to let our hair down. Should have just gone straight home after the match instead. I must say my bro's a really sweet guy because he sent his gf home last night. Hmmmm....now i know why he comes home late everday. haha. Sigh...why cant things be the same as before. If only i wasnt such a fool.

Anyway...dinner with Ronald was great! Ate at nydc and had a great time catching up with Ronald. We miss the good old times.

MAMBO NIGHT WAS AWESOME!!!!!

It has been a month plus or so since i last clubbed and AGES since i went to mambo at zouk! i really like dancing to retro songs with those hand moves. Its quite dumb, thats why it makes it fun. =) Ron and i first went to MOS..we got in free through his friend who is a member. It was quiet boring because there were only 3 of us. After that we met Ronald's friends and headed down to zouk to MAMBO. hahaha..had fun dancing to retro songs and the hand signs.

Amazing it seems, in the midst of the fun i was having, i wished a special someone was there with me.

No i wont wait forever

2007-05-11T12:22:00.000+08:00

watched spider man 3 with ryan and aaron at the grand cathay right after work at night last saturday. i heard from others who watched the show earlier than me that it isnt as good as spider man 2, but i think otherwise! i think its an awesome show with great morales and lessons behind it. errrm...the only lessons depicted from the movie i can think of now is that revenge is like a poison as you will not only cause harm to yourself but your love ones as well and to learn to forgive yourself. I feel its really important for us to give ourselves another chance. Ok its not like spider man 2 didnt have good lessons to learn from but the 3rd one is way better! Well, i got really emotional during the movie because it brought me on a guilt trip. I somehow felt that like i was in the same shoes as peter parker. NO not his life as spidey man but his love life. just watch it and those of you who know me well enough will know what i mean.

it has been abt 3 months and things still arent the same like how it used to be..well i can say its better but its just not what i expect it to be, especially after putting in so much effort. I dont want to beat myself up...but i just keep asking myself why and where did i go wrong again? Probably because my looks becoming boring and some dude is cuter so might as well go for a change eh? It keeps flactuating like the stock market, pretty unpredictable. There would be days when i would feel mellow and thank god because its getting better and overnight it can be totally different. I really wish to believe and accept whatever reasons were given for being "different" but my intuitions (NOT female) tell me otherwise. But what can i do? In the midst of this so called storm, I feel that i'm getting a taste of my own poison (not about revenge..well maybe towards me), despite all the sacrifices made, being utterly apologetic about my mistakes and proving that i've repented and am really sincere towards that person. Guess thats life, one mistake is all it takes to ruin all your good impressions or deeds...and it takes 10 times more effort to make up for that mistake and prove to the other person and most importantly yourself that it wont happen again. I've done that..what now?

I wonder how long more can i take this...my so called "high" tolerance level is taking a toll on me and i think i'm sick...getting sick and tired too.

anyway..check out the OST by snow patrol. "signal fire"

The perfect words never crossed my mind,
'cause there was nothing in there but you,
I felt every ounce of me screaming out,
But the sound was trapped deep in me,
All I wanted just span right past me,
While I was rooted fast to the earth,
I could be stuck here for a thousand years,
Without your arms to drag me out,

There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

No I wont wait forever
No I wont wait forever

In the confusion and the aftermath,
You are my signal fire,
The only resolution and the only joy,
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes,

There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,

There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety,

No I wont wait forever
No I wont wait forever
No I wont wait forever

wrinkled ball-less swindler

2007-05-08T16:56:00.000+08:00

NO i'm not refering to myself. The public commuters of SMRT and i were really disturbed by this insane indian man. Especially ME. because HE DISTURBED MY SLEEP! i was seriously tired from work..showing potential guests around the resort and running errands. Anyway...the train ride started from harbourfront. I immediately dozed off into sleep with my Ipod on the moment i sat down in the train. I think after stopping at chinatown, that insane man started talking really loudly...and ITS REALLY LOUD. So loud that i could even hear clearly what he was saying with my ear phones on. Usually, i wont be able to hear anyone sitting beside me talk clearly with my ear phones on because it kinds of cuts out most of the external sound as it goes inside the ear canal. No he wasnt sitting beside me, prob 4 or 5 seats away and i could hear every single word he was saying. that motherfucker woke me up...i wasnt the only one he disturbed. Damn it...i really needed the sleep and rest and he just had to spoil it.

Initially i thought he was scolding someone over the phone because he was talking about morales (hah!) and some other stuff which i forgot. BUT NO....he was giving us a long story telling session because i actually asked the guy sitting beside me if that mad man was on the phone and he said no. That MAD MAN was bad mouthing about everything, from the Government of Singapore, particularly LKY, politics in the past, expatriates working here, how indians and malays are indirectly being discriminated because he sees that there are more successful chinese men out there and the former ethnic groups are not given equal chances or opportunities. At the same time...he was being sour about the caucasians. There were also SENSITIVE topics such as religion...omg he thinks he knows the bible, kuran and other books inside out....he mentioned something about why God gave men two balls and why do they have to be castrated. LIKE WTF?!?!??! He seemed so sour...as though he had his balls castrated for some reasons...

So he started his "speech" from chinatown. Actually i couldnt really tell if he was talking to us because he was looking down, probably at his ball-less dick, and sitted with his arm folded. At first i couldnt be bothered with him and decided to attempt going back to sleep...but nooo....he just kept talking and talking even louder. I couldnt believe this, i actually saw a SMRT staff walk past the insane man and didnt bother to do anything about that man. He was probably too intimidated by his loudness and alighted at the next stop.

Initially, the guy, his gf and i were contemplating whether to jus leave him alone. However, i jus couldnt take it anymore after abt 4 stops because i couldnt tolerate his bloody FAKE british accent and the sensitive topics he brought up. Therefore, i took a deep breath and raised my voice telling him to SHUT THE FUCK UP. Well, i suggested to him to head to a public speaking corner to voice out his views and he was afraid to lending up in jail. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! CHICKEN SHIT! So i told him that if he's so afraid...then all the more he should just shut the fuck up because the police can still arrest him for making false accusations without prove. Or maybe have a talk with LKY and his ministers over coffee at the istana. i'm sure that can be arranged...with him chained up. Ahh...and this went on for a few mins and he was aruguing like a kid for a brief moment cos he was calling me names to shut me up. what a loser. He was still looking at his crotch while talking to me.

What a train ride home, it was fucked up because i couldnt sleep. However it was quite satisfying as well, because i managed to shut him up by telling him that everyone in the train must be thanking god he isnt a politician and calling him a pussy and chicken ball-less dickhead at the same time. Come to think about it...that makes no sense...

hmmmm....

SURPRISE!

2007-03-30T18:51:00.000+08:00

yay! exams are finally over!! my last exams for the next 3 yrs before uni. ok maybe i might have to study still if i DO MAKE IT into SISPEC then OCS. Its also gonna be my last week of hols from now till the 8th of April. Followed by a YEAR of attachment then n.s. I'm excited yet not looking forward to starting my attachment at the same time. all i ask is 1 month of hols instead of 1 week! =( oh wells, i really hope that my 1 week hol wont turn out bad.

To kick start the hols! its gonna be my graduation party tmr. i'm actually excited about it though i dont think its gonna be really spectacular, but i must really give my friend the credit for running a one woman show in organising this event. so i'm just gonna enjoy myself with my date. =) i'll be late as well, HAHAHAHA, because the free flow of drinks start at 8. and i'm gonna bring her out for a proper dinner before attending the party. As for the rest of the week, i can only see how it goes.

Before i end, i've actually planned to give rozanne a surprise at the airport with a bouquet of roses. I was so lucky to manage to get a bouquet of roses at the florist near my place because they were actually closed at 5 when i got back home at 6! but thank god! I called the lady and she was still there! but she was on her about to leave. she stayed behind for God knows what reason and was really kind to stay 15 mins longer so that i could get a bouquet of roses. Now that i've already got the roses, I'm so so so so so so frickin nervous and excited! Nervous because i really dont know how she will react when she sees me at the airport and i'm really afraid that she might not like the bouquet as the roses arent the really big ones she likes. Also because the decor ribbon is tied around the bouquet with a green raffia string! =( oh my oh my oh my! Not forgetting that her parents are gonna be there as well. i have totally nothing against them, but sometimes i think they might have a bad impression of me. I'M JUST SO AFRAID! SHITTES!!!! I need to cool down, "THERE'S NOW NO MORE CONDEMNATION FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN CHRIST. AMEN." However, despite all these fears taunting me, i'm really excited to see her. i guess the thought of seeing her lovely beautiful gorgeous face overcomes or overwhelmes most of the fears. Oh well, i really HOPE for the best!

AIIGHT! gonna have my dinner now, get changed and head down to the airport!

i'll be back. *peace.

more than a love song

2007-03-29T01:09:00.000+08:00

I want to give to you
more than a love song can give,
more than a feeling like this,
more than a dim light upon the path you walk,
more than my words can explain,
more than the falling rain,
more than the sun shines upon your lovely face.

you're still very much special to me

2007-03-27T00:00:00.000+08:00

Blasting: Jimmy Eat World - 23

You've been thinking, you've been afraid
I've been a fool
In so many ways
but I have changed my life
and i'm ready
If you thought you, might try to love me again

I'm not a saint
I'm just a man
Who had heaven and Earth
In the palm of his hand
but I threw it away

So I've been standing and waiting
For you to give me another chance
To love you just like before
and even better.

"No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you."

2007-03-25T03:37:00.000+08:00

I was given someone wonderful
Someone who supernaturally brought out everything in me
Someone who changed me.
Someone who not only filled my gaps,
but taught me to be the MAN i ought to be.
Someone who saw perfection despite my many flaws.
Someone who gave me motivation and inspiration
Someone who made me fly
However,
i lost her.
So i fell on my knees
cos i've really fallen in love.

I wish I could share it.
I wish she,
if only for a moment
could feel that sense of guilt,
shame and regret i live with everyday.
Also the sense of hope
that she would come back to me.
That continues to be my wish
for as long as i live.

friends

2007-03-25T01:39:00.000+08:00

i was reading becky's blog and her post was

"pretty girls have many friends. true or not?"

and she said that she could count with one hand the number of friends she have that she knows, who are jus a phone call away. you may think its sad or pathetic cos she's fugly, i'm sorry but she isnt. well lets not just focus on "pretty girls" but everyone. I remember when i was 16 or 17, yes the early ages of "friendster", and i was "wowed" with the hundreds of friends semiramis had because mine was way pathethic as compared with hers. I desired to be "popular" like her because i thought it would be great to be seen and known when you're hanging out with pals in town. Something like your typical highschool dream.

To cut a long story short, that desire i had when i was 16 or 17 has faded. Yes i do miss those times socialising and getting to know more people. However i realised that i really couldnt juggle my lifestyle with the vast number of friends that i made. Please to not be fooled by the "580 friends" that i have in my friendster. Majority of them are friends that i've made throughout my years in school and have yet catch up, least keep in contact. Everytime i see that i have 580 friends on my list, sometimes i wish i nv made so many friends cos i wont want to disappoint them. But then again, those friends came in different phases of my life...yup as the saying goes, "friends come and go". Especially friends who were once in their darkest moments but made use of you to get to know your friends and forget about you. scheming huh?

However, a part of me just refuses to believe that statement entirely. Although friends go, they leave behind an impact that they have made in my life. Most of my friends from ACS (barker) and my so called few months in ACJC, i hardly keep in touch. Except for a few ex-classmates and the brotherhood. And now SHATEC(DHM), i can say that i wont be in contact with most of them. Ironically, it happens in church too. I've made so many friends, hung out with different groups and they have been a great blessing and impacted my life in one way or another. The same goes to the brotherhood, most of them hv been a great blessing to me and impacted my life in different ways, both big and small. But recently i feel distant from the brotherhood. I dont know why, but...ahh. The S'ses, one of the closest group of friends i have made in church. Sigh, this sucks. It seems i have taken it all for granted all these while or i really just couldnt handle having so many friends.

I'm not perfect. I've made costly mistakes, resulting in losing friends before, not to mention a bestfriend/girlfriend whom i really love and treasure so much.

i think i'll be contented with keeping a small group of close friends/bros as i grow older.

"you dont really know what you've got until its gone."

freak cabbie

2007-03-17T02:00:00.000+08:00

Met Ronald, Tabs and their friend Jeremy? for dinner at Al Ameen. Shared a cab with ron and tabs back home. Sigh..some how i felt this discomfort for being dropped off last. Firstly because its on the way to ron's place and secondly an accident wouldnt have happened to ME!

Yes, I had a car accident while i was on my way home in a cab!!! i had no idea what the hell was wrong with the driver. We were travelling along the stretch of road where the Diamond Industries Building is located. He was suppose to make a left turn but he went straight towards the divider instead. It was really obvious that he had to make a left turn as there were lane markings on the road leading him to a left and there were other cars making a left. Oh and not forgetting that there was a divider right INFRONT of him which was pretty damn obvious. Before he realised he had to make a bloody left turn, he hit the brakes too late (it WASNT a jam brake, just brake *rolls eyes and smacks forehead*), he hit the kerb, punctured the tyre and i realised that half the car crossed over to the other side of the road. OMG thank God no cars collided into the taxi i was in. All managed to stop in time. The ironic thing is the driver could tell me that there shouldnt be a left turn, it should go straight. I was like "wtf!? what do u mean by it should go straight, it has always been a left turn for a really long time!" He obviously wasnt paying attention to road conditions and situation. OH MY GAWWWD!! Cab drivers like him shouldnt even EXIST! My life was endangered because of his wreckless driving. Even before this accident, he nearly went head-on with another vehicle while making a right turn...and he could still curse and swear at the other driver. As IF it was not his fault. Anyway, i was so pissed at the cab driver, he was still trying to drive with a punctured tyre. WTH man. I repeatedly told him to stop at the side of the road but he wouldnt listen. He only decided to listen when the car was going so slowly.

shortly after he pulled over to the side, he got out of the car. GUESS WHAT?! His belt was unbuckled, zipper down and pants undone!!!!!!!!! OH MY GAWWWWWD!!!!!!!! I jus felt like taking my bag and run off without paying!!! What a freak!!! He was driving with his pants undone! And he was still walking around like that!!! SHIT...HELL KNOWS WTH HE DOES WHILE DRIVING. I asked him why the hell was his pants undone (dont ask me why i asked him THAT cos i dont know why i asked too!) and yknow what was his reason? I didnt really get what he was trying to say cos he was mumbling and didnt complete his sentence, but i guess he wanted to say that he had a tummy ache. Oh my...for some reason, he kept coming closer and closer to me as he was trying to explain himself..prob a fag. anyway, WHAT A LIE!!! If he had a tummy ache, loosening the belt and unbuckling his pants was enough. Its TOTALLY UNECCESSARY to undo the whole pants! FREAK FREAK FREAK! Initially, i didnt want to pay for the fare. In the end i decided i was only gonna pay him up to the point where he dropped Ronald and Tabs off. Thank God the accident occured near my place,about 400 metres away, if not i would have had to take a looooong walk home.

you belong to me...

2007-03-08T01:03:00.000+08:00

See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sun rise
From the tropic isle
Just remember, darling
All the while
You belong to me
See the marketplace in old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember
When a dream appears
You belong to me

And I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too

Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle
When it’s wet with rain
Just remember
Till you're home again
You belong to me

And I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too

Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle
When it’s wet with rain
Just remember
Till you're home again
You belong to me

keep me hanging on so contagiously

2007-03-08T00:58:00.000+08:00

Oohhh, when I'm around you I'm predictable
Cause I believe in loving you at first sight
I know it's crazy but I'm hoping to..
To take a hold of you

Oh you're everything I'm wanting
Come to think of it, I'm aching
On account of my transgression..
Will you welcome this confession?

i felt you like you were right beside me

2007-03-04T18:30:00.000+08:00

This morning was the first time being conscious that i was talking to Her in my dreams.

I dreamt that she was talking over the phone with me, but i saw her face right before me. Suddenly, for some apparent reason, we got cut off. Slowly image of her face began to distant away and it was pitch black and i couldnt hear her voice. Not knowing whether she could hear me or was even still on the line, i began to speak these words which (i'm not going to reveal) i surprisingly still remember so clearly. I was in between a realm of a being in a dream and half awake. However it felt so real. I knew deep down in my heart that i meant every word i said though i was in stuck in two different worlds. Then i woke up with tears and shocked that it was a dream because it felt so real.

Weird eh?

But the truth is...

I really miss you.

If only you were beside me to see the sincerity in my eyes as i poured my heart out to you.

BWHORED!

2007-03-04T02:23:00.000+08:00

1.Does anyone know your password?
- yes

2. What was the last thing you ordered
at McDonalds?
- McSpicy

3. Are you an emotional person?
- pretty much

4. Do you like your name?
- very much. =)

5. Do you believe in love at first sight?
- nope

6. Ever felt jealous of your friend?
- nope

7. What was the last thing you did?
- talked on the phone with Rozanne.

8. who's next to you?
- air

9. Who was the last person you ate with?
- sean and becky

10. What song are you listening to right now?
- the scientist by coldplay

11. How's the weather right now?
- nice and cool.

12. Last person you called today?
- Rozanne.

14. Last song you sang?
- So Contagious by Acceptance

15. Last time you danced?
- during cny

16. Lost a friendship over something stupid?
- unfortunately yes

18. Last thing you ate?
- sushi @ sakae

19. Been really depressed before?
- thats an understatement

20. Faked being sick to miss school?
- err...yar..

21. What time did you wake up today?
- 1.00pm

22. Current taste?
- ?????

23. Who is the person that posted this survey?
- yuri.

24. What are you wearing right now?
- t-shirt and joe boxers

25. Are you too shy to ask anyone out?
- nope but i just dont feel like asking.

26. What is the first thing you notice about the same sex?
- if he looks stucked up.

27.Where are you right now?
- home

28. What date and day is it?
- 4th march sunday

29. Did you go anywhere today?
- town for dinner

30. What did you do there?
- jap food

31. How old are you?
- 19 +

33. Are you mature or immature?
- both i guess?

34. Do you call your parents by their first name?
- no...thats just rude.

35. Are you an only child?
- no

36. Where do you go shopping?
- orchard

37. Do you like where you work?
- still schooling

38. Do you like books?
- not really.

39. Do you want to get married?
- yes.

40. To whom?
- she knows who she is.

2007-02-13T18:18:00.000+08:00

Tears stream down your face
When you lose someone you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

when you love someone

2007-02-12T23:58:00.000+08:00

When you love someone - you'll do anything
you'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain
you'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
when you love someone

you'll deny the truth - believe a lie
there'll be times that you'll believe you can really fly
but your lonely nights - have just begun
when you love someone

when you love someone - you'll feel it deep inside
and nothin else can ever change your mind
when you want someone - when you need someone
when you need someone...

when you love someone - you'll sacrifice
you'd give it everything you got and you won't think twice
you'd risk it all - no matter what may come
when you love someone
you'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
when you love someone

I'm sorry i lied. (many times)

happy birthday mummy

2007-02-12T14:22:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MUMMY!
The World's Best Mum

why? well, i actually feel kinda guilty because she packed my room on HER BIRTHDAY! Oh my..i really wanted to take over and let her rest but i had to rush for an interview. thats besides the point..SHE PACKED MY WHOLE ROOM. thats not the only GREAT thing she has done for me..there's a never ending list if i start. Anyway. To celebrate her bday, my dad gave her a choice of quite a number of pretty good restaurants to eat at...like lawry's, muthu's curry at race course road, jap food at i dont know where and Pete's place at hyatt. Instead, she wanted Peranakan food somewhere near home. Simple and not so expensive. i'm surprised that she's got simple taste. So her birthday celebration was quite simple, dinner and cake cutting session at home.

Hugging and kissing my mum on her cheek is not a norm practice at home. I definitely feel really shy about that. I know of one friend, ok more of a brother because he is from THE BROTHERHOOD, who hold his mum's hands when he's out with her. How sweet is that?! Just like girls holding their father's hands as they stroll down the streets. I dont usually see guys holding their mum's hands..maybe it jus takes some time getting used to it. Sometimes i really want to show my mum that i really do love her, but i just dont know how to? She's always losing her temper and nagging at us, which is pretty irritating. Lets just say thats her way of showing that she cares. Oh wells..

She's my mum.

my heart

2007-02-12T14:19:00.000+08:00

I am finding out that maybe I was wrong
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone

Stay with me, this is what I need, please?

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

I am nothing now and it's been so long
Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope

This time I will be listening.

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
This heart, it beats, beats for only you

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart is yours

This heart, it beats, beats for only you
My heart is yours
(My heart, it beats for you)

This heart, it beats, beats for only you (It beats, beats for only you)
My heart is yours (My heart is yours)

This heart, it beats, beats for only you (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)
My heart, my heart is yours (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)

(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is yours
(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is yours
(Please don't go, please don't fade away)
(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is...

2007-02-09T19:03:00.001+08:00

Look out, they're coming after us with big guns,
They're only gonna tell you all the bad things I've done
Even if the words they say aren't true they've won,
And I'm left here dyin in the sun

back home

2007-02-05T20:40:00.000+08:00

Don't know what I was looking for when I went home, I found me alone
And sometimes I need someone to say, "You'll be all right. What's on your mind?"
But the water's shallow here and I am full of fear, and empty handed after two long years

Another sunny day over here
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away
Before you get a chance to feel it

Back home I always thought I wanted so much more, now I'm not too sure
Cause sometimes I miss knowing someone's there for me and feeling free
Free to stand beside the ocean in moonlight
And light myself a smoke beneath the dark Atlantic sky

Another sunny day over here
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away
Before you get a chance, before you get a chance to feel it

Everybody here is living life in fear of falling out of line
Tearing lives apart and breaking lots of hearts just to pass the time
And the eyes get red in the back of your head, this place will make you blind
Put it all behind me and I'll be just fine

Another sunny day beneath this cloudless sky
Sometimes I wish that it would rain here
And wash away the west coast dreaming from my eyes
There's nothing real for them to see here

Another starry night over here
I'm sure back home they'd love to see it
But they don't know that what you love is ripped away
Before you get a chance, before you get a chance to feel it

whats left of me

2007-02-02T18:44:00.000+08:00

Watch my life,
Pass me by,
In the rear view mirror
Pictures frozen in time
Are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day
Stuck in the shadow of my mistakes

Cause I want you,
And I feel you,
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger,
Like a burning,
To find a place I've never been
Now I'm broken,
And I'm faded,
I'm half the man I thought I would be:
But you can have what's left of me

I've been dying inside,
Little by little,
No where to go,
But going out of my mind
In endless circles,
Running from my self until,
You gave me a reason for standing still

Cause I want you,
And I feel you,
Crawling underneath my skin
Like a hunger,
Like a burning,
To find a place I've never been
Now I'm broken,
And I'm faded,
I'm half the man I thought I would be:
But you can have what's left of me

It's falling faster,
Barely breathing,
Give me something,
To believe in
Tell me: It's not all in my head

Take what's left
Of this man
Make me whole
Once again

I've been dying inside you see
I'm going out of my mind
Out of my mind
I'm just running in circles all the time
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left of me?
Running in circles in my mind
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left of me?

wait a minute, there's nothing left of me.

delirious?

2007-01-17T02:10:00.000+08:00

Went to catch delirious? @ the Expo last saturday with SEM and BECKY. Sean couldnt make it because of work. Before i entered the hall, little did i know that city harvest was hosting the concert as well as a service. Negative thoughts and opinions heard from others began to enter my mind. Arggh i decided, hack it and just experience it myself.

Delirious? was not too bad, typical british rock band. I am not very musically inclined, therefore i dont really know how to describe their style. However, they were along the same line as Oasis. Very layed back, not like the typical praise and worship songs heard from Hillsongs, the annointing was just different. In fact i couldnt really feel the presence. I'm not implying they are not fantastic, probably gifted with a different annointing, but not they type of songs i would use for praise. Anyway, moving on to the service. It isn't really as bad as what people say, though it felt as though i was attending a lecture or some seminar. Personally, i felt that the message was quite contradicting in contrast to them claiming that they preach "grace" when there is "law" behind "grace". It isnt exactly like the 10 commandments which God gave during the days of Moses, with all the terms and conditions of "thou shall not". arrgh, lets get to the point. In my opinion, grace does not work hand in hand with law. Lets put it in the context of christianity, because grace is undeserved favour given by God and paid for by Jesus. Why? Lets face it, we are not perfect and its NO ONE, besides Jesus, can and will have the capabilities of not breaking the 10 commandments. Which means that we do not have to earn our blessings from God because Christ has paid it all. Where as the "law" shows that there are conditions in order to recieve God's blessings. So you may ask, what about in real life? Yes its true that work from us is in a way still required, but knowing that you still have access to God's blessings and rest despite the fact that you still sin in everyday of your life makes a whole lot of difference. NO, GRACE IS NOT THE LICENSE FOR US TO SIN. It is being conscious that there's no condemnation from God despite my imperfection that sets my heart free. Damn, i've just realised that i've REALLY side tracked. LAWL. OK the bottomline is, CHC is not a bad church, just that i dont reall agree with the way they portray grace.

Anyway, sem,becky and i went to the airport to have our dinner @ the hawker centre. We had hokkien mee...good stuff. I really miss the good old days when my family and i would eat there before my dad leaves for his business trips. After dinner, we had coffee and chilled at Pacific Coffee to chit chat. Ahhh...the S'ses are gonna miss sem. She's gonna Melbourne to study. =( why is everyone going there?! I really hope i can afford to further my studies there after my n.s, thats if i cant make it to fighter pilot school when i'm in n.s.

Oh and i almost forgot, i wanna wish Leon a Happy 20th Birthday! =)

Damn..i'm gonna hit 20 in 7 months time. I really wish i'm 17 or 18. SIGH.

Stranger Than Fiction

2007-01-05T04:30:00.000+08:00

Many of us definitely have this concept that our life is like a bible with many books or chapters in it, not to mention the righteous verses which we practice in our daily lives. However, has the thought of whether our lifes are depicted by an author who writes a book about how we live our life ever crossed your mind? An author who is totally oblivious that you exist in this world and writes a book on how you live through your day, the words you say, the decisions you make which will or may lead to different consequences depending how severe it is and then eventually, maybe how you die your death.

Well as a matter of fact, there is indeed an author in my life. Personally, i feel that there are 2 authors in my life. Firstly, my very ownself and second, God. Its not surprising that where i am now was because of the decisions i made in the past. To be exact, one of the main crossroads of my life occured when i was 17. One thing for sure is that i would be in n.s by now if i had not screwed up my o's. Ok i've already put that aside and i'm kinda happy where i am right now, but for those who know me personaly, i'm just trying to emphasis the point that for every action we make, there is always a consequence. I really want to thank God for being with me throughout all these years, despite the fact that i may not have gone the path i planned for myself because of my incompetancy in my academic results. He has been indeed faithful all these years and they aren't exactly smooth sailing.

Anyway, its the new year!! WOOOHOOO!!! I'm definitely looking forward to a blissful year ahead! Sadly, my holidays are coming to an end in a few days. BACK TO SCHOOL FOR ME NEXT MONDAY! Damn..it means waking up early for me again.

Time for updates!!

Been spending quite a decent amount of time with rozanne since she got back. (: here are pictures we've taken together.

taken @ attica

our first time taking neo prints after god knows how long!
hahaha!

One of her many talents

@ El Sheik Sisha-ing

I didnt do much this time round, spent my time going out with my girl, friends, a couple of times with my cousins and lazing at home. Well I didnt really laze at home for the first week, I accompanied my dad's salesman to approach Authorised Apple Retailers to promote this product which we are currently bringing in called the iPod Car Hi-Fi Connector. It basically allows you to play your pod through your car hi-fi via a cable while you're driving. It charges your ipod at the same time too! Cool eh? Beats using the itrip which is like listening to a radio. For those of you who are interested, i am selling the cables which are compatible for the following car hi-fi brands: Alpine, Kenwood, JVC, Panasonic, Pioneer, Sony and Original Head-Unit for Honda and Toyota. Feel free to ask me if you do have any enquiries. =)

Ok i'm just gonna jump to how i spent christmas, which was a really simple one. Dad brought the family to have seafood @ Defu Lane, went home after dinner to watch Love Actually. After that my dad asked me to tag along with him to drink with his friends, free alcohol for me...WHY NOT?! About a few hours later, my dad and i went down to attica to club with my cousin. HOW COOL IS THAT?! My dad clubbing with his son. Hahaha. Then again...everything was paid for so why not? =DDD Dad went home first after awhile and left me, my cousin and her friends at the club. We clubbed till 530, had mc's for breakfast while waiting for the NEL to start operating because we didnt want to waste money on cab. Yeap, reached home at about 6 plus and slept at about 7. Did that (sleeping at 6 plus to 7) a few nights in a row last week and i must strongly advise you people reading this not to do that because you will end up wasting your afternoon sleeping when you can do something more productive. Eg. Spending time at borders reading books and magazines.

NEW YR's EVE! Ushered in 2007 with my woman, the brotherhood and a group of girls at darren's place. It was a really interesting one because the dress code for the party was "Mafia style" a.k.a GANGSTA. Some where along the line of "The Godfather". Just to a brief description of what some of them wore, Leon wore a pretty strikingly striped red suit, Zhen dressed in a black shirt with a gold tie and trench coat while Darren went black with suspenders and a red tie. As for me, i wore a black shirt and a pair of white pants which my dad wore when he was around 20. :) Anyway, I'm really glad that roz could join me and my brothers to usher in the new year. Thanks baby..i'm sure you enjoyed yourself as much as i did. (: The food was great, but some of the mafias had to do the cooking. Just wanna say a big thank you to Leon, Mukund, Darren and Zhen for organising and doing the cooking. Thanks guys. It was great! The Black Label, Vodka and Rum did help set the new year mood and made alot of us merry, but my girl couldnt really hold her alcohol really well and had to adjourn to attic where she took a rest there. Low and behold, as my girl was soundly asleep, the guys raided the room due to a few sneeky bastards who suspected that we were doing something hanky panky. HAH! Sorry i had to disappoint you guys. hurr hurr. I cant believe my brothers thought i would do such a thing. *sigh* hahahaha! =))

The Brotherhood

Mukund being a "Kumar" and doing his job.

Girls trying to be cute

We guys definitely do it much better

feat. Darren & Ian
Wilson:"wtf?" LAWL.

Before

After =)

smile bitch =)

Finally, A Blessed New Year!

The Gravy Ladle

2006-11-29T01:17:00.000+08:00

There's probably no one in the world who knows you more than your parents.

After all, they conceived you and have participated intimately in your growing up years. They've changed your stinky diapers, coaxed you out of your worst tantrums, nursed you back to health from your worst fevers, and watched you slip in and out of embarrassing adolescent phases.

There may be friends and partners who might grow to understand you well, but fathers and mothers have peculiar ways of finding out what you've got up your sleeve. And they don't have to confront you either.

Here's a rather amusing story I found on the Internet?

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate, Julie, was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates." About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, John

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom

The lesson of the day: Don't Lie To Your Mother.

2 more weeks to hols.

2006-11-25T15:10:00.000+08:00

JESUS!!

You set me

FREE!

jus 2 more weeks to freedom.

Thank God You paid it all.

Life without my ipod

2006-11-24T01:33:00.000+08:00

For the second time, i've forgotten to take back my ipod from a friend because i was simply too lazy to carry it and my boardshorts had only one pocket. Anyway, I was living my life without my ipod for 5 days. My first day taking a train back home without my ipod was definitely boring and something i wasnt quite used to. Thats because i've always carried my ipod with me where ever i went to entertain me for the past 1 year and 2 months. It really became a part of me, like a daily neccessity. I would listen to it whenever i was alone. Anyway, the first thought which struck my mind was that train rides and bus rides home were gonna be boring, especially when there are no eye candies to look at. hahaha. No doubt my journeys home were boring, but i found myself fidgeting my finger nails and tempted to just bite it. Other things i did, stare into nowhere and let my thoughts wonder.

There's no doubt that i'd rather have my ipod with me where ever i go, but i've realised that i'll still reach my destination with or without it. I'll just be bored thats all. Its not a neccessity, but a luxury. Oh wells, what can i say? i'm just blessed to have an ipod. thank God i have it with me now. =D

2006-11-24T01:01:00.000+08:00

1. Do you know where your dad is rightnow?
in his bedroom sleeping

2. Last time you hugged someone?
too long to remember.

3. What is something you've learned about yourself recently?
nothing new.

4. What color is your watch?
silver

5. Do you like anyone?
no. love yes.

6. Are you close to your mom?
nope

7. Where do you work?
Cellar Door

8. What are you listening to right now?
Holly Wood Died by Yellowcard

9.what do you smell like?
me

10. What color are your pants?
black

11. Closest thing to your left?
a chair

12. What color is your bedroom flooring?
brown

13. Do you have a chair in your room?
yes

14. Time you were born?
3 plus in the morning? maybe 4?

15. Do you know anyone who is engaged?
nope

16. What's your favorite number?
57

17. Do you know someone named Lori?
nope

18. What color is your mom's hair?
black

19. Do you have a dog?
yes, my sis

20. Do you remember singing any songs as a kid?
sound of music, silent night, DISNEY SONGS

21. When was the last time you went swimming?
months ago.

22. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
a few mins ago.

23. Did you ever go to a camp as a child?
leadership camps from p3 to p5, soccer camps in sec 1 and 2, discovery camps from p4 to p6.

24. Do you play an instrument?
recorder in primary school. HAHA. Drumset aaaaand...learning how to play the guitar.

25. Do you like fire?
not really..reminds me of hell.

26. Are you allergic to anything?
people's BULLSHIT

27. When was the last time you cried?
the weeee hours of hari raya..thank God (not ALLAH) that rozanne woke up when i called at abt 4am(oz time) jus to console and comfort me. I'll nv forget that night. Thanks darling. (:

29. Have you ever been to a spa?
nope.

30. Did you take science all four years of high school?
yes. Five years. took bio, physics and chem.
i love bio lessons..both theory and practical. heh

31. Do you like butterflies?
yes, they are beautiful and need to be treated with care.

33. What is one thing you miss about your past?
my dad's volvo 850R. A classic...i'm gonna own that one day.

34. Have you ever seen the school counselor?
yes.

35. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
yea relieve-teacher in acs primary. teach the kids how to be nice towards girls. hahaha

36. What is one thing you've learned about life?
life is unfair.

37. Are you jealous of anyone?
yeah.

38. Is anyone jealous of you?
dont think so.

39. Ever been stuck in an elevator?
nope

40. What does your dad call you?
brendan

41. What does your mom call you?
brendan

42. What does you hair look like right now?
flat

43. Has a friend ever used you?
yes..many.

44. Has anyone recently told you that they like you?
like? no. Love? yes.

45. What have you eaten today?
chocs, prawn crackers, instant noodles....

46. Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
i have a natural curl..very slight.

47. What is your favorite movie?
too many to name

48. Who was the last person you drove with?
I have yet to get my license. =(

49. What are you looking forward to?
end of my bloody projects and exams...and the december hols.

50. How are you today?
restless, empty on the inside, fucked up.

probably better off dumb

2006-11-22T23:15:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wish...

that the words i say comes out right

AT THE RIGHT TIME.

momentsruined

something worth watching for singaporeans

2006-11-09T23:15:00.000+08:00

Omg...just imagine the ministers watching that video. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Singlish is still the "number 1." Hahahaha.

A month of Birthdays

2006-11-08T02:30:00.000+08:00

Last weekend was quite a blast! I went down to SCC to help out at the SCC international Rugby 7's in the morning. I was basically supposed to control the crowd but when i got there, i was thinking to myself "what crowd?". Hahaha..yeah and the t-shirt i was wearing stated that i'm an ENFORCER. Sounds damn COOL and MACHO eh? hahahaha...well i didnt really do much. All i did was just make sure the players dont go on the field while there is a game in play and watch the games under the sun with free flow of heiniken beer! LOL. I started drinking at abt 10 am till abt 3 plus? Yes i was abit sleepy. Hahaha. It was great watching rugby and drinking though! The food was good too! Had hotdog with mash potato. However, i feel quite bad because i thought kuang could help out and in the end he couldnt because he didnt register. Sigh...i felt as though i played him out, made dinner for us. Salmon with mash potatoes. Good stuff. Not too lowhich wasnt my intention of course.

Anyway, i had to leave at abt 3 plus. I rushed home to change and then headed down to cellar door to purchase a bottle of rose sparkling wine and then cabbed down to sem's place. i was suppose to get there before sem to surprise her but...all thanks to traffic we arrived at the same time. Sooo...i kinda ruined the plan to surprise sem. However i wasnt the only one! Hahaha...becky was so smart by saying on the phone,to dont know who, in front of sem that we were on the way up when she told sem that the rest were gonna be late! Great. Anyway, Veena prepared dinner. We had Salmon with Mash and Espharagus for the main. Sides were chips and candies. Good stuff. After dinner, it was time to surprise sem. Our surprise for sem was a home made video! Sean really did a great job with the editing and effects. Yea..each one of us said stuffs like "what we like about sem?" and "what things remind us about sem?" I dont know wtf was wrong with me when i was doing my recording cos i suddenly thought of singing a lil bit in the video. Its was soooo bloody embarrassing when i watched the vid. Oh wells, i think my scene was the worse because i was really nervous. ahhh..sean really pulled it off WITHOUT SAYING A WORD in the video. wth. Hahahaha..i cant imagine watching that video again when we're 40. I think i'll just die from laughing. Hahaha.. After the surpirse bit, it was time for drinks! I got my dad to get Grey Goose Vodka at the DFS. Its really smooth, you dont get the kick till it goes down your throat and it doesnt really have that burning sensation if you drink it neat. We didnt drink much because Cinderella had to be home before 12. So...i still have 3/4 of vodka left. heh.

Pictures!

Me with the Birthday Girl.
I swear we were only getting ice!

The hunks

The babes

The S'ses :)

I had no school on monday because it was graduation day for the seniors. Aisah invited me and our classmates over to her place for a tea gathering. I reached at abt 4 plus, most of the people came early and left early except for jude, elliott, ritchie and jason. Company and food was great! Unfortunately, not many people turned up. She expected abt 40 people to come and her mum prepared so much food! But only less than 20 turned up. I didnt go to the gym as planned because i was so so full from eating. Hahaha. Instead, i rushed home to webcam with roz!

Oh my..its been ages since i last saw her. Webcam session with her was fun as usual. (: Although we webcammed, i still miss her so so much! I'm so looking foward to her coming back in december..on the last day of my exams. Perfect timing. Weeeeee!

Btw,yesterday..7th of Nov, was our 9th month. Wow..9 months. Nv thought we would make it this far. However, it wasnt really easy for both of us, but that kinda made our bond stronger...and i'm glad we really made it this far. omg...soon it'll be a year! Happy 9th month rozanne!! <3

I just came back from Wilson's/Ariel's 18th birthday dinner. Had steamboat for dinner at wilson's place..which was awesome. I had a great time with the brotherhood and a few of the sisters as well. Anyway.. Happy 18th Birthday Ariel and Wilson!!!!!!

Alright...i'm off to bed. *peace out!
chee bye bye bye...

Happy Birthday Lil Pesky Sister & Semirimis E PILAR!

2006-11-04T02:30:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY INSANE PESKY SIS WHO GOT "HIGH" ON EATING CHOC CAKES WHICH HAD A TINGE OF ALCOHOL.
LOL...Weirdo.

AND
SHEN RE KUAI LE TO SEMIRIMIS E. PI LAR!

More Updates with pictures coming up sooooooooon.

Hari Raya

2006-10-26T01:35:00.000+08:00

This year's hari raya was different, spent the early hours with some of the brothers playing a lil bit of bridge and mahjong. Then i went back to sleep at abt 4 to 5 am. Woke up at 3 plus, talked to roz on the phone for quite awhile...had a quick shower after that and rushed down to iylia's place for a tea gathering which i'm really grateful and honoured to be invited. Thanks bro. =) As always, i had a great time with the brothers, along with tabitha, cal, her lil sister and great food! =D Unfortunately i had to leave early because i had to work at 6pm.

THE BROTHERHOOD @ Iylia'sErnest, Leon and ME
Work was alright, am beginning to pick myself up from the unfortunate mishap which occured on sunday during work. Its really tough to get rid of this phobia. I shall not mention what happened because i have my reasons. But anyway, all i can do is learn from my mistakes and move on. It was a really painful way to learn from a mistake, well shit happens...but hey, so do MIRACLES.

brendawwg

2006-10-20T14:30:00.000+08:00

Arghh...i initially wanted to post this entry last night outside spinelli but the wireless reception was bad. anyway..i went to the gym for the first time in MANY MONTHS. OH gawwd my muscles are aching. I NEED A FULL BODY MASSAGE. =p After that, i headed down to meet darren, leon, iylia, wilson, muks and zhen for dinner at far east plaza. After dinner, we chilled at spinelli to play bridge and just enjoy each other's company. It was my first time bidding 4 times for no trump or spades last night..usually i would stop at 3. Hahaa..

Blardy mukund still couldnt get my name right..he thought its spelled as "brandon". Out of a sudden, someone thought of calling me "brendork"...like wtf?! Then someone else came out with "brendawwg" from the eastside yo. Lol. Its amazing how a new topic can be created just because someone made a freaking spelling mistake with my name. SO does "brendawwg" sound cool? lol.

On the other note, i've been quite affected by whats going on lately. I dont want to say much, because i've reached up to the point where i dont know what else to say. I feel so drained, emotionally and mentally..it seems that the words of advise i give is of no use. SIGH. That doesnt mean i've given up, but it doesnt mean i've never had that thought too. Some say it'll just be a phase, well i really hope so. I hope things would be just like how it was before...or even better.

a bore

2006-10-17T00:30:00.000+08:00

YAY!!! i've finally bought a pair of Westones ear phones for my Ipod! However, i got the UM1. I really wanted to get the UM2 but its WAY ABOVE my budget. =( The UM1 is already quite expensive for a pair of ear phones with a single driver in each side. I got it at S$155. You guys may think i'm nuts. Well my brother thought i was nuts, he said he can buy 2 ipod ear phones. I decided to let him check it out for himself. Played "Billy Jean" by Michael Jackson and cranked up the volume to half..and all i could see was that smile of bliss on his face. =) Kudos to darren for introducing me to this brand..if not for him, i would probably get the ipod original ear phones again.

You guys may have never heard of Westones but its awesome stuff man. I've compared the UM1 to the Bang & Olufsen Ear Phones which cost much more. In terms of sound clarity and quality, Westones beat B&O flat man. Yes, i admit that B&O has come up with really a good design, but thats all about it. I've heard the B&O earphones myself and they are not even close to Westones. As for the UM2, its almost 3 times the price of the UM1. Its definitely much better in clarity and quality because it has 2 drivers in each ear phones. More bass, treble and balance. Simply awesome stuff...now thats what i call music to your ears. Hmmm..i hope to get the UM2 in the near future...well Christmas is just round the corner. =)

Moving on..i just wish this week to end asap. Actually i just want this sem to end QUICK! I'm really looking forward to December. =) School has been quite a bore, lets just say that feels different. But thanks to the great company of a few friends in class, its not really that bad. Sitting through economics is really a dread for me, i just cant tolerate the monotonous tone of my lecturer, really makes me feel like sleeping. Its even worse when i see some classmates sleeping. However i really try to stay awake cos i know its important and its quite interesting. BUT the lecturer is not really making the subject interesting. =( Well..i just gotta keep telling myself to persevere cos no one's gonna help me besides God and myself.

Ok i've tried to upload pics but blogger is being a bitch. I'll upload it another time. Anyway, its late..gd night and hope tomorrow will be a better day.

"all i can do now is just pray."

the roads that lead me there are winding

2006-10-13T01:33:00.000+08:00

its now 1230am and i just got home from work not too long ago. didnt really have a proper dinner..i just had home cooked carrot cake by my mum, a kiwi fruit, tomato juice and chocs. i'm not really tired from work, but neither am i energetic enough to hit the books to study even just for awhile.

Work was great, the pace was pretty slow tonight and it actually gave me a chance to practice my service sequence and interact with some of the regular customers. Btw, i'm working part time at this restaurant called Cellar Door off bukit timah. Anyway, I've realised that i can learn alot from my managers in many areas in the hospitality industry. Ok i'm not gonna describe the different jobs done by all of my managers. I'm just gonna blog abt one, who has really talked to me about things that really matters, making the right choices and decisions in what i really want to specialise in the hospitality industry. I'm already 19 and i'm 2 yrs away from 21, which would make me officially an adult by then. Right now..i've got 2 more sems to go before i go for my 1 yr working attachment and followed by 2 yrs of national service. I dont have much time left, i need to think about which area i really want to focus in.

I have so many ambitions in mind! I've always wanted to be a fighter pilot since i was in primary school..Gosh all thanks to the all time classic kick ass movie "topgun" starring tom cruise and his mothergoose co-pilot. Damn..the dog fights, speed and adrenaline rush...i can already feel that just by watching "topgun" and other movies and shows which features dogfights. Well, lets just hope i'll still have my perfect eye sight when my time is up to serve the nation. The next ambition i have in mind is to own a casual dining restaurant which caters to the majority. Probably not here in Singapore unless i really have a huge pool of capital. Maybe Australia..its cheaper to start up a restaurant there and there are schools which specialise in restaurant management. Yeah..big bucks can be earned from owning a dining establishment, its the planning and initial starting-up stage which IS very very taxing. Running a restaurant requires a pretty huge sum of capital, and one must be prepared to make loses for first few years. Its like planting a seed and waiting for it to grow into a tree. I'll really need to do lots of self-studying and research. I have so much more to share, but i'm getting really sleepy..and i've got school at 830am.

Looks like i've got a looooong way to reach my goals and dreams. God please help me.

no longer the same in your eyes

2006-10-10T01:00:00.000+08:00

i've been thinking to myself, after all these years being a teenager, making persecutions and judgemental remarks after hearing about how some guys out there have been a bastard and a jerk to girls...least to mention their gfs or spouses...i've realised that i'm not so different compared to them after making a mistake myself. although i just found it trivial, not really important and not worth mentioning (no i wasnt having an affair), i've broken one of the basic and most fundamental foundations which keeps a relationship strong..which is TRUST. some may have this mentality where sometimes its better to just keep quiet about it although one may think its not important (somethings are better left unsaid), or you have those who think differently and strongly believes that no matter what happens you've gotta be truthful. well..the latter was an agreement we both had..and i broke it. it was unintentional but i did.

so that makes me one of them eh? to think i'm different, special, unique, a lady's man and etc...well yea i WAS...but sadly not anymore. Not only have i disappointed myself, but i've let down the one who i so dearly love, who saw me that way too. That makes me even more...sour about myself. No i'm NOT gonna just degrade myself just because of this, i know i'm much better because of Christ in Me. Thank God for His grace and mercy towards me...i've been given another chance.

Work and school hasnt been that great either. condemnation keeps attacking me from all angles. again, i thank God for the fact that He's for me and not against me. I'm not excelling in school..there are people tell me straight in the face that i'm "hopeless." Well, i'm not because i have a living God who is bigger than the idols they worship. Therefore, i dont really give a damn about what others say or think negative about me, because i have a God who never gives up on me even though i may give up on myself sometimes. I think being conscious about how much He loves me despite my flaws, gives me the drive to walk down this journey of life. Not forgetting the people who evolves around me, add life to my world and loves me, my family, my close friends and her.

love,
brendan

"Why do we fall? So that we can pick ourselves up again."

just for fun

2006-10-10T00:50:00.000+08:00

1.what kind of first impression do you think
people think when they first see you?
- pretty good looking eh.. (hahaha ya right..)

2. what's one thing you like to do alone?
- sing

3. what is your favorite line to say when you're drunk?
- oh my gawwwwd

4. how many drinks do u need before u get tipsy?
- hah..buy me drinks to find out.

5. Do you have any purpose for living?
- on some days

6. what kind of books do you like to read?
- novels..sometimes poetry

7. do you think you're cute?
- hah

8. do you have a problem changing clothes infront of your friends?
- guy friends nope

9. what do you eat/drink when you raid the fridge at night?
- chocolate!

10. describe your bed?
- dark blue...with the word LOVE. Its the love bed. hurr

11. spontaneous or planned?
- whichever

12. do you know how to play poker?
- yeap

13. what do you carry with you at all times?
- mobile phone, wallet, ipod, key and a international calling card.

14. what do you miss most about being a kid?
- the carefree life

15. are you happy with your given name?
- very much

16. what color is your bedroom?
- white

17. have you ever been in a play?
- yes. Three little pigs in kindergarten..i was one of the rooftops. -_-

18. do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
- yes i like myself but i dont really believe in myself..i believe in Him.

19. do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
- too nice i guess?

20. do you spend more time with your girlfriend/boyfriend or your friends?
- ALL!

21. what's one thing you wish you could do but can't?
- forget abt serving national service and study in aus

22. what is your ideal wedding location?
- the ritz-carlton...or by the beach (not in singapore)

23. whats one instrument you wish you could play?
- the guitar

24. whats one language you want to learn?
- french

25. have you ever pierced your body parts?
- yes

26. do you have any tattoos?
- no

27. what's one trait you hate in a person?
- all talk but no actions

28. do you consider yourself materialistic?
- oh yes...in certain aspects.

29. what do you cook best?
- beef steaks.

30. favorite person/s to talk with on the phone?
- her

2006-10-08T05:00:00.000+08:00

i'm not what i used to be before,
maybe that was because i never knew what love was for.
now my heart is sore...

whenever i close my eyes,
i feel left behind,
crying and wondering
whether you'll ever be mine.

will this be history?
or jus remain as a mstery?
filled without any misery.
i'll jus call it my destiny

do i have to pay a price
for jus being too nice?

Storm

2006-10-02T21:12:00.000+08:00

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form
The water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see You, everything would be alright
If I see You this darkness will turn to light
And I will walk on water
And You will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into Your eyes
And everything will be alright
And everything will be alright

I know You didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Cos I'm so used to living under the surface

And I will walk on water
You will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright
Now everything is alright
Everything's alright.

finally its over..

2006-09-22T05:25:00.000+08:00

yes finally the IMF has come to an end. based from what i heard, some didnt really enjoy working because they found it to be not so productive while others actually enjoyed it. as for me, i think it was quite an experience although i spent most of the time playing spider solitaire and surfing the net on the laptop issued by the army. which wasnt really productive. hahaha. anyway, one of the highlights during my working experience in the IMF was that i actually made friends with a nigerian delegate, some advisor in the president's office. it all started when i was enquired about where to get prepaid sim cards. well since i had nothing to do at that point of time, i decided to walk him to the 7-11 which was just across the road. after getting his prepaid card, he asked me where was the nearest optician because he lost a pair of glasses on the plane. i actually intended to make my way back to the desk when suddenly this thought struck me, "why dont you walk him there? an opportunity to provide personalised service and promote Singapore." i thought might as well. At the optician, he was definitely given VIP treatment. He had his glasses made in 2 hrs when it usually takes a day and the not so surprising discount just because he's an IMF delegate.

After showing him around and promoting my motherland, my HLO (hotel liasons officer) asked why cant he just go there on his own? and why i actually bothered to go through the extra mile of service just to get a sim card and a pair of glasses. to my understanding, the nigerian dude i attended to actually DEMANDED her to get him a prepaid sim card. where as he was pretty polite to me. Probably he just doesnt like her. hahaha. By doing those simple little deeds, that delegate could contact his family with a prepaid sim card and appreciate the city lights of Singapore with that pair of glasses..and that made him happy. nevermind about whether i got tipped or not, thats not important. Oh by the way, he invited me to join him for dinner and show him around clark quay...which i gladly did. Damn, come to think of it, i actually ran a marathon of service. hahaha. and i made a friend. (:

A Dexterity Test

2006-09-19T04:00:00.000+08:00

If you can last longer than 18 seconds you are phenomenal. It's been said

that the US Air Force uses this for fighter pilots. They are expected to go
for at least 2 minutes with practice.

Give it a try!! I did it in 25 secs on my first try...and my best timing so far is 1 min 3 secs.

http://tinyurl.com/56t9u

its 3 am.

2006-09-19T03:19:00.000+08:00

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today,
what was the first thing you thought?
- shit, a pimple on my face.

3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR"?
- whore

4. Favorite planet?
- Earth?

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list
on your mobile?
- dont know

6. What is your favorite ringtone on your phone?
- gifts and curses by yellowcard

7. What kinda shirt you have on?
- world cup 2002 france tshirt

8. Describe yourself in one phrase?
- suave =)

9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently
wearing?
- barefoot

10. Bright or Dark Room?
- bright.

11. What do you think about the person who took
this survey before you?
- paulina my "sista", my classmate who dreamt of me as a big brother and i was scolding her. hahaha.

12. If you're alone in a room with two beds, which
one do you sleep on?
- the bigger and more comfy one

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
- sleeping

14. What did your last text message say that you
received on your mobile?
- you have one voicemail

15. Where is your letter box?
- near the gate

16. What's a word that you say a lot?
- oh my

17. Who told you he/she loved you last?
- God

18. Last furry thing you touched?
- a dog

19. How many drugs have you done in the last
three days?
- none

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get
developed?
- none

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
- 17 - 19

22. Your worst enemy?
- me

23. What is your current desktop picture?
- a white lambo gallardo convertible

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
- NO I DONT HAVE TO WORK TOMORROW

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks
or to be able to fly?
- money, duh

26. Do you like someone?
- love

27. The last song you listened to?
- where'd you go - fort minor

28. If the last person you spoke to was getting
shot at, would you jump in front of the bullet?
- yes

29. If you could punch one person in the face who
would it be?
- dont feel like it now

30. What is the closest object to your left foot?
* electric cables

31. What do u want now?
- money

32. Current worry?
- Am i just a substitute

33. next holiday?
- December. 1 week holiday got taken up by the IMF meeting. -_-

get to know me better.

2006-09-19T02:40:00.000+08:00

1). Is there someone who you like at the moment?
- more of love actually

2). Have you ever given or been given roses?
- yes to both. i've been given a BLUE rose. =/

3). What is your all time favorite romance movie?
- the notebook

4). How many times can you honestly say you've
been in love?
- truely? just once.

5). Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?
- NO

6). Do you think that you should become friends
with someone first?
- yes

7). Have you ever had your heart broken?
- over and over without being realised

8). What do you think about long-distance
relationships?
- its possible, however theres gotta be lots of trust and commitment involved. ok i shall not say much, i can type an essay on that. haha.

9). Your thoughts on online relationships?
- go FCUK yourself

10). Would you rather date someone five years
older or five years younger?
- anything

11). Have you ever seen a friend as more than a
friend?
- ???

12). Do you believe the statement, "Once a cheater
always a cheater?"
- well it depends if that person changes for the better

13). How many kids do you want to have?
- 2 ( i dont wanna be in a situation where i have to go in 2 cars when i own a 4 seater convertible if i have 3 kids. if the 3rd one comes along...i'll just get an mpv then. lol)

14). Do you usually fall for the wrong or right
boy/girl?
- havent had enough to use the word "usually"

15). What is your favorite colour(s)?
- metallic black, pearl white, hot pink, red, maroon and lots more.

16). What are your views on gay marriages?
- definitely negative...the thought of stuffing that "THANG" up the ass is fucking gross.

17)Have you ever broken someones heart?
- unfortunately yes.

18). Imagine you're 79 & your spouse just died,
would you re-marry?
- no, i'll jus make a request to God to let me go to heaven in peace to join her.

19). At what age did you start noticing the
opposite sex?
- when i was in kindergarten? heh

20) what song do you want to hear at your
wedding?
- you and me by lifehouse

i've lived through 77 of these 99 things.

2006-09-19T02:25:00.002+08:00

[1] I have read a book before
[2] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
[ ] I have been to Canada.
[3] I have been on some sort of sports team.
[4] I have watched cartoons for hours before
[5] I have tripped UP the stairs. =(
[ ] have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[6] have been snowboarding/skiing.
[7] I have played ping pong.
[] I swam in the ocean.
[ ] I have been on a whale watch.
[8] I have seen fireworks.
[9] I have seen a shooting star.
[ ] I have seen a meteor shower.
[10] I have almost drowned.
[11] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to
disappear.
[12] I have listened to one cd over & over & over
again.
[13] I have had stitch(es).
[ ] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
[14] I have stayed up til 6am doing
homework/projects.
[15] I currently have a job.
[16] I have been ice skating.
[17] I have been rollerblading.
[18] I have fallen flat on my face.
[19] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[20] I have been in a fist fight.
[21] I have played videogames/com for more than 3
hours straight.
[22] I have watched The Power Rangers before.
[ ] I do / have attended Church regularly.
[23] I have played truth or dare.
[24] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[25] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[26] I've called someone stupid. And meant it.
[27] I've been in a verbal argument.
[28] I've cried in school.
[ ] I've played basketball on a team.
[ ] I've played softball on a team.
[ ] I've played football on a team.
[29] I've played soccer on a team.
[ ] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[30] I've swam on a team.
[31] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my
life.
[ ] I've bungee jumped.
[32] I've climbed a rock wall before.
[33] I've lost more than $20.
[34] I've called myself an idiot
[35] I've called someone else an idiot
[36] I've cried myself to sleep
[37] I've had (or have) pets.
[38] I've owned a Spice Girls cd. and or tape
[39] I've owned a Britney Spears cd
[40] I've owned an N*Sync cd
[41] I've owned a Backstreet Boys cd
[] I've mooned someone
[ ] I've sworn at someone in authority
[42] I've been in the schoolnewspaper / insights.
[43] I've been on TV
[44] I've eaten sushi.
[45] I've been on the other side of a waterfall
[46] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings
movies.
[47] I've watched all the Harry Potter movies.
[ ] I've watched the 3 Stooges at least once.
[48] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica.
[49] I've watched Looney Tunes before.
[ ] I've been stuffed into a locker
[] I've been called a geek.
[50]I've studied hard for a test and got a bad
grade.
[51] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.
[52] I've met a celebrity / music / TV artist.
[53] I've written poetry.
[ ] I've been arrested
[54] I've been attracted to someone much older
than me
[55] I've been tickled till I've cried
[56] I've tickled someone else until they cried
[57] I've had / have siblings
[58] I've been to a rock concert
[59] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it
[60] I've been in a play
[ ] I've been picked last in gym class
[ ] I've been picked first in gym class or so
[ ] Ive been picked in that middle-range in gym
class.
[61] I've cried in front of my friends
[62] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages
[63] I've freaked out over a sports game
[64] I’ve vomited in public.
[65] I've washed someone else’s vomit
[66] I’ve ran away
[67] I’ve had a stalker
[68] I've had a fight with someone on txt
[69] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face
[70] I've been in a car accident
[71] I've forgiven someone who has done
something bad to me
[72] I've personally seen someone die
[73] I've been confronted by a police officer but
got away
[77] I've lost someone who means the world ( not yet, but i think i will soon)

busted my knee

2006-09-07T15:40:00.000+08:00

ok i had a game (LIKE FINALLY) against the a group of british sailors from the HMS Westminster. Only 17 players from SCC turned up...so everyone had a chance to play. I was positioned as a winger...yes a WINGER. Omg..i've never actually played in any of the positions in the three quarts...i'm usually a flanker in the forward pack. I'm pretty small for a forward therefore i decided to have a go as a winger. It was fun playing as a winger..in fact i was really surprised when being told that i did a pretty good job despite the fact that it was my first time playing that position. I didnt think i played well cos i had 3 golden opportunities to score a try and i cant believe i didnt seize that moment! First, i had a choice whether to rip the ball of my opponent or tackle him..and i didnt tackle him. He dropped the ball and my team mate saw the window to score. Second chance, i managed to side step a few players and I was THIS CLOSE to the try line..but i was brought down. ARRRGHHH!!! SO fustrating. Before my third encounter, i injured my knee..it almost felt as though my legs were gonna break like a stick. Its so fucking painful. I thought i still could run but i couldnt...i aggreviated it further when i tried making a side step. I really hope its just a sprain..not a torn ligament. I can now only walk straight..well more like limb.

Like my dad told me..i have to bear the consequenses. Fuck i cant believe i dont have insurance. The company my dad works for, which is a family business, only provides insurance to their employees' children till their 18. I'm 19..which means i'm not insured. How bloody stingy can the company get...especially when its a family business and its not like my dad has only worked for them for a few years..he practically worked 3/4 of his life in there. Even if thats the case..i cant fucking believe my dad is not gonna purchase an insurance for me and just leave me dangling without one. WTF. That means if i ever get knocked down i will have to foot my own bills. this is total BOLLOCKS! I cant walk properly and in pain and all my dad could do was give me a bloody lecture...which i so do not need at all..especially when i'm injured!

I do like playing rugby and nothing's gonna stop me from playing it. If i fall, i fall. I'll just have to pick myself up again and be stronger. The Best Is Yet To Be.

Just Imagine

2006-08-28T08:30:00.000+08:00

I was watching a glimpse of a really inspirational and touching video during youth service, about the father-son bond of Dick and Rick Hoyt. The video shows the father and son participating in a triathalon, but all his son needed to do was to sit back and enjoy the race in a raft while his dad swims his heart out as he's pulling his son along, sit at the front of a customised bike while his dad is peddling and sit at the front of a wheelchair while his dad runs and pushes him all the way to the finishing line.

This video is one of the illustrations of God's perfect love for YOU. No matter how crippled you are in whatever situation, God is still and forever will be faithful staying behind you just pushing you all the way to the finishing line. He is IN you and therefore will be with you in the trials and tribulations that you face, which you will come out victorious in the end. All you need to do is just rest in His Love and let Him finish the race together with you. Whenever you cant...God CAN. Just Let Go and Let God.

=((

2006-08-22T16:00:00.000+08:00

A week has past since i returned from my short vacation to melbourne...and i still cant help but keep thinking about it. Its definitely by far the most memorable trip besides going to disneyland in the states when i was a kid. This is my first time travelling alone and it went pretty well, i managed to stay within my budget and come back with $50. Supposed to save like a few hundred for the next trip to bangkok with the brotherhood. Hahaha. Oh wells..finances will come soon. Am gonna be involved in the IMF and i'm gonna start working part-time at some wine cellar restaurant soon (thats if i get the job). =) Alright, thats besides the point. Never have i thought that i would travel alone just to attend a formal dinner for a special someone. Its a miracle that i was given the permission to go. Yes of course the expenses had to paid with my own savings. My dad isnt really in a good position to subsidise my trip...least sponsoring it. However my dad was generous enough to provide the air ticket using his Krisflyer miles..which was of great relief! My dad actually said he would be MORE than willing to pay for my whole trip if he had the cash. How cool is my dad huh? Guess he really loves me that much. He's the best and i love him. =D

hmmm..many questioned my decision to go because...i think you guys can figure out why. Yes, i did take deep thoughts and was really contemplating whether i should or should i not go. Sometimes i felt i should..sometimes i shouldnt. It was a big decision and risk i had to take. Based on the situation at that point of time, cons weighed much more than the pros. However i was really surprised that my dad was quite supportive about me going to melb, not till when i told him i had to skip sch. Yeah..but still..he was for me and not against me. Anyway, on the whole, the short trip was awesome! Well...i wont be there for just 5 days with a tight budget the next time i'm there..maybe a week with more cash to spare for shopping? Now that i have friends who have invited me to stay over in the future..i can save on accomodation! Had the opportunity and privilege of meeting some new and old friends studying there. I also had an experience of a lifetime travelling alone. However, the best experience of the trip was the formal dinner. Yea you can say i had one of the best times of my life..besides my graduation night. Because my grad night had only GUYS! But it was good.Haha.

School has been such a drag these days. I hate to see some people in class who are just SO FUCKING FULL about themselves. Bloody arrogant pricks. Generally the class is fine...just a few arses who just cant seem to keep their freaking ego down. I've got 3 projects to complete in abt 2 weeks and exams are around the corner too. Gotta get down to serious studying and maybe stop attending trainings.. =(

Ok i know this isnt new...but i've decided to change the song playing on my blog. The previous one is called "Marching Bands Of Manhattan" by Death Cab For Cutie. This one is "Stars And Boulevards" by Augustana. Enjoy.. =)

"Stars and Boulevards" by Augustana

Wait dear, a white horse is walking down my street here,
your words are creeping at my feet
I fear, sunrise will come to soon and you'll disappear
into the haze of this city and go south...

look out, they're coming after us with big guns,
they're only gonne tell you all the bad things I've done
even if they words they say aren't true they've won,
any I'm left here dying in the sun

oh...seems like I'm always on my own,
seems like I'm never coming home
seems like I'm always on my own...

late nights, won't do me justice
cause when I drink...I just get so damn depressed,
and its not like, I ain't trying to get over you.
it's just hard to look at the seasons, pass me over too...

oh...seems like I'm always on my own,
seems like I'm never coming home
seems like I'm always on my own...
(all the stars and boulevards ain't close enough for you...)

one last phone call from you, it wouldn't hurt much,
just like to hear your voice and pretend to touch,
any inch of you that hasn't said it all or read it all or sung
my life away

first trip to melbourne

2006-08-17T15:00:00.000+08:00

Woah...its been ages since i last updated my blog. So much has happened over the past one month. I guess MOST of you guys should know that i left for melbourne on the eve of national day to attend roz's yr 11 formal. Yes i know i'm really patriotic. =) Came back 4 days ago..which was a sunday.

The first thing i liked about melbourne was the cold weather. 15 degrees celcius max...think 5 degrees celcius min. My hair felt so smooth and it was so muc heasier for me to style it. If only singapore has the same winter too...it'll be perfect! Upon arrival..i realised that i didnt have auto roam! It sucked big time cos i couldnt contact and be contacted...and i had to result to purchase a prepaid card. I thought 20 aussie would be good enough..but i was wrong. I used up the 20 in one day. lol. hmmm...i took a BUS from the airport to the motel, yes a BUS and not a cab. I stayed at some motel which sucked cos there were only 4 tv channels, no air heater (it can get really cold at night), no kitchen to cook and it was so expensive! I had to pay 85 aussies per night..which is equivalent to abt S$90? Damn..that can get me a room at a 4 star hotel here. However...the location was accessible and convenient cos Kmart and Cole's were just a min walk from the motel, and roz's school was jus a few tram stops away.

Day 1 (Wednesday)

Headed straight to the boarding house to meet roz after checking in. I am quite surprised i didnt get lost cos it was my first time taking a tram. Its so expensive. A daily ticket to zone 1 and 2 can set me back abt 10 aussie. I can take a freaking cab here in singapore man. Anyway, with all the anxiety and excitement building up in me, i still couldnt believe that i went all the way to melbourne just to see her. The first friend of roz i gotta know was frano. She was the one who informed roz that i was here. Hahaha. i was pretty surprised that she recognised me. A few seconds later, i saw roz down the corridor or hall way running towards me and we greeted each other with a nice big hug. I swear i almost shed a couple of tears cos this dream we had months ago became real and it felt as though time stood still for awhile at that moment. Next she gave me a tour around her school..the compound is really big. Think its bigger than barker rd. After that i gotta meet most of her friends. We chatted at the guest's area for awhile (i couldnt enter or even take a look at their rooms.), roz has really nice friends...and pretty good looking ones too. HAHAHA. Let me try to recall, i met tash, nina, jody, frano, chanmi, lisa and a few others. Met sarah too but i already knew her back in singapore. Not bad for the first day...i kinda widened my social circle. HAHAHA. Now i know u guys wanna get to know them huh? hurhur. I couldnt stay at the boarding for too long cos..they have rules and stuff. yea..so i took a tram down to the city on my own again...to meet joelle and her melb uni friends to celebrate national day. I managed to find the restaurant without getting lost. =) We had dinner at this place called "Singapore Chom Chom". hahahaha. I think the owner is a malaysian cos he missed out the "p". Food was great! I had the biggest and also the most expensive laksa ever! It costs abt 8 aussie. Yeah...expensive but its good stuff. I decided to try to get M1 to activate my auto roam but they refused to because i'm under 21. Yea yea...its their terms and conditions but i swear it was clearly stated that i have auto roam in the contract when i signed it. The operator claimed that she understood my situation but she couldnt activate it. Fuck it..she didnt understand...if she did...she would had activated it for 5 days till i get back. So much for G.E.M.S. ( Going the Extra Mile of Service ) Fucking Bollocks! Anyway..i gave up trying and just decided to buy a charge card instead which cost 49 aussie and had 230 aussie worth of credit. After that we were jus walking around aimlessly and finally decided to warm-out at some cafe...the weather was already very chilly. Then i headed back to the motel at abt 11 plus to catch up on sleep. I really needed it cos i could hardly sleep on the plane.

Day 2 (Thursday)

Woke up at abt 11. Walked around the town to look for lunch..and i had good aussie fish and chips with seafood. Again...it costs abt 8 aussie. Then i walked around a lil bit more...and headed to the boarding to meet roz and we went out. After that i went down to trinity college to meet bev and darwin. We had Lamb Souvlaki ( dont know if its spelt like that) for dinner...its something similar to lamb kebab but better. Chatted over dinner while trying to finish our food. Walked over to melbourne central to catch Miami Vice...its not showing in Singapore yet..and i doubt it will be shown here because the director wants it to be shown to the general public and doesnt want it to be censored. Thats what i heard...dont know if thats true. I really recomment u guys to catch Miami Vice..apparently bev and darwin..along with other Singaporeans who were watching it think it sucks. I went straight back to the motel after the movie..Darwin offered me to stay over at his place for the night cos he likes me. LOL!! HOW FUCKING GAY IS THAT?! HAHAHAHA! Play backside. Roflol. Nahh...darwin was just being nice. =) Thanks darwin and bev for hanging out with me. =) Went to Cole's and i bought 2 packets of Tim Tams and a packet of chips. Think its bbq bacon..one of the best chips i've come acrossed so far..too bad it cant be found here too..dont know whether tim tams can be found here. I can grow fat on these stuffs.

Day 3 (Friday)

I woke up pretty early this time round..at abt 10 plus. Since i had quite alot of time to kill before meeting roz for lunch/dinner, i decided to take a walk to the small towns. I'm very much like my dad, he likes to take walks and explore around when he's on a holiday in another country. I came across this betting booth, similar to "sg pools", and i saw aussie footy being shown on tv..so i thought of watching the match. Personally, footy is not as exciting as rugby. Its like playing catching, captain's ball and basketball put together. Players can pass back and front. The only twist is that you have to punch the ball to pass and kick to score. Where as for rugby, you can drop kick or touchdown and you can only pass to the player behind you. Thats just my opinion, apparently footy is more popular compared with rugby and soccer. However soccer is getting more popular there because aus made it into recent world cup. Did a little bit more walking before meeting roz at her boarding...i was on time...infact early...but i had to wait for half an hour for her to get ready. hahaha..nvm..i'm quite a patient person. We went to the city...had our lunch/dinner at a food court! omg..i went all the way to aus to try their food court. hahaha..but its def better than the ones here in singapore! 10x better. It was nice...we ate by the yarra river. We had pancakes for dessert! Its one of the best i've had. After dinner...something really bad but funny happened to one of us. hahahaha! Anyway..we continued walking in the city for awhile and she couldnt stay out too late cos she had to be back in the boarding by 930. Sent her back and we reached there at abt 10 instead..thank god she wasnt gated out. After that i went to grab pizza nearby before heading back to the motel. Pizza there is freaking cheap..i paid 5 aussie for a small..which is like a medium here. Oh wells..i had a pretty early night cos i was pretty tired and sleepy.

Day 4 (Saturday, PLC's Formal Night)

Woke up at 10 when i was suppose to check out at that time. I was blessed to be given a grace period of 1 hr to pack and get ready. After that..i went to roz's boarding to wait for her and her friends as we planned to put up at a service apartment called Sommerset,which is owned by the Ascott Group, in the city for one night. As you know..girls take a pretty looooong time to pack...and roz was ready. We went to a liquor market..yes..its about the size of cold storage..maybe bigger. A supermarket selling tonnes of wines and hard liquor...at very affordable prices. I bought a bottle of baileys, cowboys and choc whip for just 44 aussie. How cheap is that?! Wines can go as low as 10 aussie. We're paying such high prices for alcohol here. But the Duty-Free goods here are def much cheaper. Checked-in the service apartment together with sarah,emily and nina (roz's friends) while roz, chanmi and frano went to get their hair done. At the apartment, it was interesting to witness how excited the girls were while doing their hair and make-ups. In case u sick shits out there are wondering, NO I DIDNT SEE THEM CHANGE. Formal was really fun. Roz looked Gorgeous and i looked *ahem* HOT as always. =) There was a professional photographer at the formal to take pictures for free! (to us but not the school) Yeap..and we had an interesting and fun drinking session after the formal back at the apartment.

The Girls
(from left to right: roz, chanmi, frano, nina, sarah and emily)

her and i

Ok i'll post the rest of the pictures up another time..and blog abt other stuff soon. Oh btw..nicole wants me to say that "SHE'S FUCKING MAD" on my blog. There you have it my dear mad friend. =)

I looked up at the sun and i could see
Oh the way that gravity turns for you and me
And then I looked up in the sun
And saw the sky
And the way that gravity pulls on you and i
On you and i

Survey Of Sorts (S.O.S)

2006-08-02T09:15:00.000+08:00

WHAT IF......
» I committed suicide:
» I said I liked you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:

» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Mannerisms:

[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you fuck me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[32] Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

Pls kindly copy and paste the questions into the comments box and answer these questions. =))

Writing to Reach You

2006-07-23T19:00:00.000+08:00

Every day I wake up and it's Sunday
Whatever's in my head won't go away
The radio is playing all the usual
And what's a wonderwall anyway

Because my inside is outside
My right side's on the left side
'Cos I'm writing to reach you
But I might never reach you
I long to teach you about you
But that's not you

It's good to know that you are home for Christmas
It's good to know that you are doing well
It's good to know that you all know I'm hurting
It's good to know I'm feeling not so well

Because my inside is outside
My right side's on the left side
'Cos I'm writing to reach you
But I might never reach you
I long to teach you about you
But that's not you
Do you know it's true
And that won't do

Maybe then tomorrow will be Monday
And whatever's in my head should go away
Still the radio keeps playing all the usual
And what's a wonderwall anyway

Because my inside is outside
My right side's on the left side
'Cos I'm writing to reach you
But I might never reach you
I long to teach you about you
But that's not you
Do you know it's true
And that won't do
You know it's you
I'm talking to

Travis - Writing To Reach You

i'm feeling it

2006-07-16T18:30:00.000+08:00

silence is no longer golden to me...its beginning to be awkward.

I'm definitely feeling it..
and its not a good feeling.

Things have changed..

2006-07-13T16:20:00.000+08:00

Its already the second week of school and it has been 2 weeks since she left. well, i can sense that things have definitely changed since then. Firstly, i hardly call her nowadays, therefore no more need to head down to little india to get calling cards so often ( i can get them cheaper there. =p). Its weird that i nv got sick and tired of talking on the phone with her almost every other day for the past few months. I felt like a kindergarten kid who was so in love with a girl that he would save money just to buy the girl he likes her fav candy everyday. Well i still am really drawn to her..its just different. I now feel like the kid who wants to buy her candy everyday but he knows she's getting bored of it. I really miss every single bit of the conversations, from the frequent burps, different subjects and topics which we are so open to each other, to the kisses exchanged over the phone before hanging up. It sucks to know that someone has taken my place. Secondly, i think we've kind of drifted a bit, not as close as what we were before but we're still close. The reason being said first, we hardly talk on the phone anymore. I feel that she has found someone who's over there in melbourne who can just be there for her, someone who shares similar characteristics, thoughts and habits like hers. Yes, i'm very sure they do talk on the phone every other day, meet during the weekends and maybe give her the attention she needs. You readers must be thinking that i'm jealous..."YAR DUH?". If not why the hell would i be pouring my heart and blogging abt this. Despite the feeling of insecurity living in me, another side tells me that i can do NOTHING about this. True. Cos i'm here and she's there and we are kinda on a break. Although she claims its temporary,we're still on a break..which means she can do whatever and wants and vice versa. However,yes, we still do love each other. Ironic isnt it? Exchanging those 3 special words feels somehow a lil weird now, BUT i do love her very much! Its hard to keep it inside and get choked. I just dont know if she feels the same for the other guy whom she's really close with. Well maybe she's drawing closer to him. Am i thinking too much? If u think i am..i'm telling u I CANT HELP IT! Its the other way round now, i'm spending less time with her on the phone and vice versa. I dont wanna lose her to someone else. =( Lastly, she has changed. She's getting more hardcore and i dont want her to..thats all i have to say.

Rugby season's starting in a week, dont think i'll get to play this season but i'll def work my way up to play next season. =) I need to work out and build up mass..i'm too small to be in the forward pack. The injuries, although minor ones, are showing signs that i'm jus weak. =( I'm beginning to feel a lil left out in sch. I've failed 2 papers so far and i'll probably fail more. I was the only one in class..maybe the only one in the whole intake who failed catering science. 78! Wtf?! Its really embarrassing...my gpa is already so low. Sigh, i really need to make somthing out of this semester. GOD I NEED YOU! S.O.S!!

MORE PICTURES! =))

2006-07-12T16:00:00.000+08:00

Having a hard time choosing

I had to solve a puzzle too!

The last 2 packages. KOO and NEH.

FINALLY! Look at the amount of papers used.

Credit goes to (from left to right clockwise): sexysem,saucybecky and sassylynn. =)

And the guys too: saikobrandonwong and shittysean =) 78!

someday you will find me caught beneath a landslide

2006-07-11T17:30:00.000+08:00

My weekend was great!! Had a belated birthday dinner cum reunion with the "S"ses, (SexySem,SassyLynn,SaucyBecky,SuaveBren(thatsme!), ShittySean and SaikoBwong), at sem's place. Food was great! We had pasta and potato salad and sparkling wine to go along with it. Awesome shiiiit! The atmosphere was great..there was so much of catching up to do therefore everyone was talking. After dinner, it was time for my bday surprise. It was a really unique and interesting. The girls actually took the time to fold 10 layers of papers to make it look like an package. Guess what?! there wasnt just one package...there were 18 of them!! Here's the catch...my bday present was hidden in one of them and i had to drink a shot of vodka for every wrong package i open! OMG! I drank 17 shots because i opened all the wrong packages except for the last one ( which had my present in it). 78 78 78!!!!! Yes i know...i'm fucking amazing.

My present was hidden in the blue NEH. WTF right?! Why cant it be "Pussy" or "do not pick me!". Hahaha...but it was really fun. They got me a TOPMAN card which had $40 worth of value in it. COOL EH?! Btw..thats THE ONLY present i got for my bday, besides the cash i got from my dad. Yea..its the only one. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE PRESENT GUYS!!! =) anyway, we all continued drinking after watching me reap off packages, drinking shots and a good laughing session. We played card games too! Taught them how to play kent...and it was so messy cos most of us were abit tipsy. HAHAHA...it was really fun. We played a game similar to that too...which was just as fun. However, it was getting late and most of us were getting really tired. I headed down to kayu to meet thebrotherhood for awhile before heading home to sleep.

"S"ses! thanks for dinner! Thanks for the present! Thanks for everything! It was perfect and awwweeeessssoooomeee!! i really enjoyed myself. Lets meet up more often pls! *love =))

Saturday was pretty boring, woke up at abt 1 and lazed around at home till evening. Went to the Singapore Cricket Club for The Captain's Cocktail Event which is organised for the ruggers to mingle and have a great time before the season starts. I was supposed to wear a dark coloured tie...and the only dark coloured tie i have is an ACS tie. -_- yeap..i wore that to the event. It really feels good to wear anything with the ACS emblem on it..anyway ACS forever. =) Food and drinks were great! So was the music. =) There was a buffet counter with grilled chicken,grilled beef and potato wedges....free flow of heineken beer, (thank god it wasnt tiger, i hate it) and red wine. As for the music, this other english man and i too turns to have our ipods plugged into the sound system. We were playing songs by Oasis, U2, Cold Play and other British bands...not forgetting cool hip hop and rnb beats too. hurhur. When "wonderwall", champagne supernova" and "dont look back in anger"by oasis was playing...EVERYONE WAS SINGING ALONG! Oh my...the atmosphere was just AWWWWEESOOOMEEE! A few of us, including me *ahem*, were singing to "wonderwall" and "champagne supernova". We were all so so high and singing at the top of our lungs. I'll nv forget that incredible night of singing. The fellow ruggers and a few milfs applauded to my singing.. Not bad eh?! HAHAHAHA! I was so high....and its a really good song to sing to when u're high. how can i describe this? there was so much feeling put in while i was singing those songs. There was only someone i was thinking of then. Sigh. Oh wells...i feel theres really no point looking bad in anger. why? cos it only makes me unhappy,sad,irritated and bothered by all the things i've been seeing lately. I can do nothing about it except to hope that nothing's going on. ANYWAY...i went to dxo with a few guys after the event to meet some of the hockey girls from the club. didnt club...was jus sitting outside having a beer while watching soocer repeats. Bumped into brandonwong's HOTmum and a few other friends of hers. ALL my friends thought she's a MILF. damn right she is one. I was reprimanded for caling her aunty. she wants me to call her sister. WTH?!?!? ROFLOLMAO! Imagine calling ur friend's mum "sister".....hmmmmm...weird eh? But i got a bucket of 8 beer bottles from her to share among my friends for calling her sister. LIKE WOW! HAHAHAHA! Watched the 3rd & 4th placing game between Germany and Portugal. Yea...germany won...but i was too tired to show my excitment for the match. Reached home at 7 am...cos mervyn and i didnt want to spend money on cab..therefore we decided to sleep on the bench by the singapore river for 1 hr till the train station opened.

Sunday felt like rain to me, it was really cloudy while i was getting changed for church and it poured like crazy the moment i stepped out of the house. I had to attend 4th service cos apparently my bro tried to wake me up for 3rd...well yea he failed to do so. Thought i was going to attend service on my own...BUT THANK GOD wan hua msged to ask if i was going for 4th. So yea...took a cab and picked her up cos it was on the way and it was RAINING. 4th service started 1 hr LATE. wow..pastor preached an extra 1 hr for 3rd service. We went to the overflow room to sit with sem,sean and tiff. Service was great as usual...but i was having a freaking hangover and i didnt have lunch. Therefore i wasnt paying much attention. Had dinner with wanhua at some chinese restaurant at marina square...i had beef noodles and we shared shanghai dumplings (xiao long bao)..which was alright. Nothing beats the original shanghai dumplings i had in shanghai itself! =) After dinner...i decided to do a lil bit of shopping at Topman cos i have the card which i got as my bday present and a 20% voucher which wanhua gave me. Bought a t-shirt which had the word "Topfather" on it and a pair of jeans...and i only had to pay $45 cash. =) I really wanted to get a pair of jeans i like from zara but there were only sizes left for really FAT ppl...like 36 38 and 40?! i'm a size 32. Oh wells...after that...we had ben and jerry's! Had 2 scoops ALL FOR MYSELF...one cookie dough choc chip and one choc fudge. HAHA! Hmmm........cookie dough choc chip is also someone's fav. Almost everything i do reminds me of that special someone whom i dearly miss so so much. Have u ever wondered whether that person is missing u jus as much as how much u miss them? Or whether they even think abt u?

Went home...ate more food. watched the world cup finals. I really wanted france to win..but oh wells...they jus werent lucky with the penalties. Woke up at abt 3..received a couple of msges..made a couple of phone calls regarding the grp project. Then i went down to meet mervyn at suntec to hang around before trng started. Trng today was good...its getting better and tougher cos season is starting in 2 weeks. Ok...its 2 am..and i need to sleep.

"Isnt it a cliche when someone tells u that he/she tells you that they will love you no matter what happens? What do they mean when they say "no matter what happens"? This line is often heard when someone is about to die or lose a limb...or in some cases, when they wont get to see each other for a period of time. Forgive me for being very Blunt here. What will that meaning of "loving no matter what happens" become when he/she is dating someone else, fooling around or screwing around during that period of time of abscence? Well..sad to say all that was said would have lost its meaning...and its just as good as giving him/her a sense of false hope and empty promises. Why? Because action speaks louder than words."

-bren

happy 19th to me.

2006-07-07T17:00:00.000+08:00

yes. A Blessed Happy 19th Birthday to me!

Just wanna say a BIG thank you to my beloved friends who took the hazzle to send me their well wishes via sms. Though it was just a msg..it def made me smile. =) For those we didnt, its ok. God loves you. =) I also wanna thank Leon and Nicole for taking time off just to spend time with me on my 19th. We didnt do anything spectacular, went down to town to drool at the new macbooks and check out the headphones..i'm thinking of replacing the old set of stock ipod earphones. By then leon was a bit hungry and wanted to get some snacks at far east...and then sat down at BK and talked abt stuff till abt 7 plus. With some more time to kill, nicole and i went to Tangs to window shop. Where as for leon, he met rebs and then headed to Mad Jacks at bukit timah for Aussie Fish and Chips for dinner. I really had so much time to kill before my parents picked me up to go for dinner...therefore my last stop was Borders...for Bored ppl like me. hmmm.........ooooook. Dad came at 830 and we headed to orchard hotel for dinner. Dinner was good..not that fantastic though. DESSERT was awesome! Chocolate fountain with mushmallows and fruits. YUM!

Well...this birthday wasnt really fun...and it wasnt that boring either. I guess the company of Leon and Nicole and dinner with my family made it better..and not forgetting those who sent me their well wishes. thanks guys. =)

Things have been really different lately...and i've been really thinking lately. Even when i'm around with friends...or when i'm school during lessons..i'll occasionally drift into deep thoughts abt the world of my own, which isnt as bright and colourful like what it used to be for the past few months. Sigh...anyway, i've lost the mood to blog and lost my train of thoughts. Its late and i'm sleepy. good night.

You and me
A little different
Though we tried to stay the same
It never leaves
And when it changes it is still a waiting game

I wait for a lonely breath
I wait to surface from this death
Wait for the light to come
And take away these images I get
In my head

More than ever
I need to feel you
More than ever
I see the real you

You are me
A worst disaster would be waking up alone
Now we're free
We're drifting out
Like all the ones we didn't know
I wait for a silent tear
I wait for things to disappear
Wait for the ground to stop moving underneath my only fear
If I lose you I don't know

More than ever
I need to feel you
It's all around
More than ever
I see the real you
And it's around

Everything, everything
We've had
Out of sight out of mind
Given that
What I see when I dream
Hurts like hell and back

Waiting game - Yellowcard

i'll jus bite my tongue and hold back my tears.

2006-07-03T15:30:00.000+08:00

we drive tonight,
and you are by my side.
We're talking about our lives,
like we've known each other forever.
the time flies by,
with the sound of your voice.
its close to paradise,
with the end surely near.
and if i could only stop the car
and hold onto you,
and never let go (and never let go)
i'll never let go (i'll never let go)
as we round the corner
to your house
you turned to me and said,
"i'll be going through withdrawal of you
for this one night we have spent."
and, i want to speak these words
but i guess i'll just bite my tongue,
and accept "someday, somehow"
as the words that we'll hang from.

and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i ('cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse.
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i, i don't want to make things any worse.

why does tonight, have to end?
why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favorite parts.
we'll skip the goodbyes.
if i had it my way,
i'd turn the car around and runaway,
just you and i.

and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i ('cause i..), i don't want to make things any worse. (any worse)
and i (i..), i don't want to speak these words
'cause i, i don't want to make things
and i, i don't want to make things any worse

2nd day of hols

2006-06-28T20:00:00.000+08:00

ok i woke up at 3 today. Went down to serangoon gardens post office to meet leon at 4 to get our probational driving license renewed. Instead of meeting at 4..that mofo bro came at 5. KNN CCB!! Called him so many times but he didnt pick up...hwai? COS HE WAS TAKING A FUCKING LONG SHIT at 430. KNN CCB!! Made me wait for 1 hr. What a nice brother. Anyway...we went down to town after renewing our licenses. Chilled at Starbucks while waiting for rebby to meet leon for dinner. Well...i didnt want to become a freaking light bulb by being around with leon and rebby, so i thought of meeting nicole to talk and have dinner since she was also free. we sat down at starbucks AGAIN to talk...and then headed to food republic for dinner. Wow...i really like eating the beef kway teow there..its really good. Oh oh...the cashier at the beef noodle stall asked me "Boy ah, u want a free pepsi anot? Jus need to add 50 cents." WTH?! Why the hell do i need to add 50 cents if its free right?! how stupid can she get. Could tell she's from china with her accent. NO OFFENSE! Anyway...my day turned out to be quite "productive"...though i would wish to spend the day with roz. Oh wells...she had other plans. THANKS LEON FOR BEING 1 HR LATE! U MOFO! Bloody cunt. and thanks nic for keeping me company. :)

the french won! 3-1. and so did brazil...2-0.

Happy 18th Birthday Sheryl!!! =D

2006-06-27T20:40:00.000+08:00

ok let me sumarise the events which happened during the past 2 weeks. roz came back 3 days earlier and she surprised me...it was really a good surprise although i suspected that she was back. it took place right outside city chain at heeren. i was told to meet "her friend" at heeren and to face the sliding door closest to orchard cine. hahaha...and a few moments later, i felt a pair of smooth hands cover my eyes from behind and the very next moment, she jus appeared right before my eyes. no words could describe how i felt at that point of time. didnt go to work cos i didnt feel like after i collected my "surprise".

18th June Sunday ( father's day): Attended 3rd service...was late as usual..and this time i only sat in for 45 mins. yes i was THAT late. Got my dad Royce Chocs with Macademia Nuts...didnt really knw what else to get for him...my dad's someone who is not really materialistic, unlike me. heh. Then i went over to roz's place to watch soccer. Did some grocery shopping with her mum before heading to her place. Parveen,Casey,vL and cuishan came over later. Learnt how to play Kent and Spit. Its really fun..but i hate losing to roz when i play Spit. Ok i forgot the games which we were watching that night except for aus vs brazil. Anyway...i stayed over in the end cos it was really late. I really treasure the moments i had with roz..how i jus wish theres a restart and pause button so that time would jus stand still at our precious moments. Hmmm...the next day..lets jus say someone wasnt really happy that i stayed over. sigh.

Had trng on Monday and Wednesday as usual...which is pretty good. I'm really GLAD that my coach has finally gotten my name right! I dont know why for some reason he either keeps calling me "BEN", "DARRYL" or "DARREN". LOL! Wtf man. It took him abt a week or so to get my name right. I think its probably because he sees that my fitness is really good and that my skills need to be improved. He came up to me to tell me that i really have to brush up on my ball handling skills. Hmmm..now i have to juggle 3 balls in my life. haha. Ok its good that he sees that i'm trying to improve. I dont hv much time left cos season is starting on the 13th of july.

22nd June Thursday: Met roz after my work and then we headed to my place to get changed..yes jus to get changed and we chilled for awhile. i lost my wallet for the 2ND TIME again that day. It apparently slipped out of my pocket in the cab. Went to escape theme park to meet casey and cuishan after chilling...oh my...its not even a theme park if u compare it to disney land or universal studios...not to mention genting highlands...yes for once the malaysians are ahead of singapore in that for now. the I.R better be good.

23rd June Friday: What a miracle...the police called me up to say that they hv possesion of my wallet. WOW...i lost and recovered it twice. Its def the work of God. Was suppose to watch Caracal perform at a gig outside wisma..but couldnt make it back to town in time for it cos i went to collect my wallet. After that we (the brotherhood) headed to kayu for our supper. Bumped into celest at dhoby ghaut and found out that she actually stays quite close to me....like a 10 min cycle from my place. I cant cycle nw coz some bangla stole my bike. Bloody pinardi.

24th June Saturday: Met roz in town at 5 when she was suppose to meet me after work at 3. Watched Silent Hill...stupid show. Then we chilled at starbucks before heading our seperate ways to meet our parents for dinner.

25th June Sunday: Woke up late..went for 4th service. I was on time for service for the first time in dont know how many months. It felt good but it was weird at the same time. I've nv made it in time for worship for the past few weeks..or should i say months. Seeing ppl lifting up their hands worshipping God was all of a sudden weird to me...i used to think ppl raise their hands cos they want God to talk to their hands. Hahahaha. (God still loves me). =)

26th June Monday: my first day of hols...so freaking boring. well not exactly boring...wanted to head down to town and read some car mags at borders...but instead i decided to meet leon for an early dinner at abt 4 cos both of us woke up late and were hungry. Had our guy talk over food. After that...went down to taka to meet kc to look for a pair of mouth guard. In the end we got it at a sport shop at paragon...and then we headed down to SCC for trng. I seriously need to brush up on my ball handling skills. Sigh. Went straight home right after trng to catch Aus vs Italy. The match was............................................... Ok i dont want to start cos it'll nv end. Italy doesnt deserve to make it to the next round and the penalty should not have been called for. thats all i've gotta say. Ukraine won Switzerland 3-0 by penalties. Oh and i also had a very interesting webcamming session with bev till 4 am...HAHAHAHA. hur hur. =)

I really hope that the rest of my hols wont be boring. I've only got one week of hols. This sucks! So far...i've only got wed's trng to look forward to. Surprisingly...i'm not looking forward to my birthday. I'm just getting older...thats probably jus it and 19 yrs of existence on this earth.

I've got so much time to spend and i wanna spend it with that special someone. i've waited months for this week to come but now that its here...it seems like i'm gonna spend most of it alone. I know you have other priorities...but what abt me? what happened to the plans we made and set out to do when u come back?

Trip to the zoo

Beach outing

Dinner to celebrate our 4th and coming 5th

Movie marathon while getting fat on ben and jerry's

and many more..basically just enjoying each other's company. sigh.. ok i suddenly dont feel like blogging now. am gonna try to sleep. gd morning.

My only birthday wish is to be with YOU.

2006-06-18T18:00:00.000+08:00

I wish i could be every little thing u wanted all the time...sometimes.

BRA BRA BRA!

2006-06-08T07:50:00.000+08:00

Its kind of blasphemous..but quite hilarious..anyway..here it goes.

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man, "There is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."

Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"

Now befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple.

The Catholic type supports the masses.

The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen,

The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright,

and the Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills."

SO..Which type of bra do u wear?? HAHAHA. =p

(=

2006-06-03T17:30:00.000+08:00

A photo can say a thousand things

But it cant say a million things that i wanna say
A photo can capture the way we were
But it cant capture the way we are
'Cause you're far away

But i'm glad that we are doing great despite being so far away from her. I wanna take HEAPS and HEAPS of photos when roz gets back! I wanna take her to the zoo to meet her long lost family...head down to the beach...ben and jerry's...movies...nice dinners (NOT newton or macdonalds ok?!)...and jus chilling out together jus talking and talking like how we do on the phone.

Geees.. it used to be months and weeks but now its down to 15 days!!!!

WOOOHOOO!!!!! I'm so excited! What abt u? =)

why?

2006-05-29T16:30:00.000+08:00

Went to church today...as usual...i was late for service. pastor prince was preaching abt the type of music we ought to listen which makes us feel merry. well, jus to name a few genres he suggested were classical and annointed music, guess its christian music. the ones he strongly did not recommend listening to were rocknroll and heavy metal. Well...i agree with pastor prince only to a certain extend. Emo music makes ppl more emo. The blues makes ur day blue. heavy metal makes ppl more heavy burdened, stressed and angry. Classicals makes some ppl, like me, fall asleep very easily, more relaxed and calmed. Oldies brings back memories abt the good old times to our folks. Finally christian music..hmm..i cant describe it. Anyway...HOWEVER, rocknroll rocks! Well it depends what kinda rock u listening to...screamo and shit aint cool, but bands like lifehouse,oasis,coldplay,story of the year, the used..blah blah blah..are really pleasant to my ears. To me, there are songs which makes u really happy, moody, sad..whatever. It really depends on each individual different genres of music they prefer listening to. On the other hand, it also depends on the type of music one is exposed to or influenced since young.

Moving on, had a good time catching up with wan hua after service over lunch. did a lil bit of window shopping after that. DAMN..it sucks to be broke during the GREAT SINGAPORE SALE. why doesnt a sale come when i hv the cash? it always comes when i dont hv enough. Anyway, went to meet ariel,leon and mukund to catch XMEN 3. Its def much better than the other two. Bloody hell, we had to take the front row seats and it was freaking cold. Mukund was shivering so much that he kept shaking the chair. I thought he was jacking off. wth. Hahahahaa!

I wonder if talking to u on the phone almost everyday has become a routine that u're sick and tired of. when u told me u needed space, i began to ask myself dont u have all the space u want? we're thousands of miles apart and the only form of communicating is over the webcam and the phone. at most i give a call or 2 a day. maybe 3 times on some occasions. i do the calling most of the time even though its makes more sense for u to call because its cheaper. Everytime the bill comes in..i give a sigh, trust n believe that God has taken care of it and put a smile on my face. To be honest, I really dont mind buying calling cards jus to call u..infact its my pleasure to do so cos i understand u hv tonnes of hmw. I thank Him that i have been able to pay off the bills with my pocket money and survivng for the past few months. I'm not complaining...i just dont understand. I've been giving my best n now u want space? Am i trying too hard? If i am, why didnt u tell me at the beginning? Why now when you're coming back in 3 weeks? sigh.

(Apparently my so called brother thinks i've been using his mobile phone to call and caused his bills to hit $180 plus. well..i'm not gonna dedicate one long paragraph to him.waste of space and my time. i dont need to prove myself innocent cos i am.)

I've said enough.
If its space u want, then it'll be space u'll get.

4 more weeks..

2006-05-22T17:30:00.000+08:00

this is my life
its not what it was before
all these feelings i've shared
and these are my dreams
that i'd never lived before
somebody shake me
'cause i
i must be sleeping

[chorus]

now that we're here,
it's so far away
all the struggle we thought was in vain
all the mistakes,
one life contained
they all finally start to go away
now that we're here its so far away
and i feel like i can face the day i can forgive
and i'm not ashamed to be the person that i am today

these are my words
that i've never said before
i think i'm doing okay
and this is the smile
that i've never shown before
somebody shake me 'cause i
i must be sleeping

[chorus]

i'm so afraid of waking
please don't shake me
afraid of waking
please don't shake me

(staind-so far away)

I miss her so damn much. =(

4 more weeks and counting

and another Sunday

2006-05-15T17:00:00.000+08:00

Didnt go to church today. Woke up at abt 12 plus to hv my breakfast, watched a bit of tv and then i decided to go back to sleep and woke up at abt 7. Gave my mum a Mother's Day hug and big fat kiss after i woke up. i didnt brush my teeth when i did that. HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! I'm surprised that my mum still called me a good son despite not giving her any present but only a kiss. I feel so bad. But i think she understands, she knows that most of my money has been going into phone bills. Its not an excuse, therefore i'm gonna get her something nice tmr. Anyway..we went for dinner at Rendevous Hotel and thats sunday for me. pretty vague and boring.

I hate it when ppl dont admit their mistakes. When ever the internet is down, i'm always the one who fixes it. Why? COS I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO FIX IT. I hate it when whoever (u should know who u are) says "i dont know" when he or she was the last one using the com. All he or she knows is to bitch that the internet is not working, ask me howcome its not working (as if i know what the fuck u did to the damn com), sometimes keep quiet about it and act as if he or she is innocent and expect me to fix it for them. FUCK! After its fixed, all i hear is an "OK." WTF. only an ok? I think i'm too nice. Too damn nice to be pushed around. All they know is to use to com and cry for help when the internet is down. Bloody mofo. It wont be the same the next time this happens.

"Sorry if i seemed shocked over what u told me. It seemed really sudden to me and i think it would be better if we sit down, have some coffee and just talk. =) looks like u've got lots of things to update me!"

Its down to 6 weeks now.

I need God.

disfucktioned

Just another sunday

2006-05-08T13:30:00.000+08:00

omg..my mum jus screamed cos a roach flew out of the store room when she opened the door. hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! i was shocked initially, but i couldn't stop laughing after that. thought she saw a freaking ghost in the store room.

anyway, today's our 3rd month! =) wanted to get a barbie doll for her at toys r us but i couldnt decide which to get. it was so weird standing at the barbie section by myself. oh wells, i shall wait for her to come back then we'll go hunting for her barbie.

i attended 3rd service today. pastor lian was saying something about not barking..cos only dogs bark. so what will my mum be labelled as if she barks like a dog? i rest my case. if only my mum was there..

watched Mission Impossible 3 with my family after church. It was good...but i personally prefer M.I 2. Damn...the lambo gallardo in the movie is HOT!! I wonder if they blew up a dummy lambo or the real one.

ok. gtg call that special someone. =) byeee.

Rugby + Soccer + Beer

2006-04-30T14:40:00.000+08:00

Friday: went for cg then headed down to leeyaawn's place to chill. WTH..he's got the whole flat to himself. Anyway...it was quite fun..me,leon,iylia, mukund and darren were jus chilling in leeyaawm's room listening and singing along to songs like, "champagne supernova, "the scientist", "hotel california", "you and me", "blind", yellowcard, ben folds and many many more emo songs. iylia and darren were being arseholes trying to change the lyrics which spoilt most of the songs. hahaha..freaking funny. I'd love to have another session like that soon.

Today was one great day for me! Had a rugby friendly with the sailors and pilots of the USS Abraham Lincoln, its an american aircraft carrier. Damn they were freaking HUGE. ALL of them were twice my size and at least a head taller than me. I was really surprised to see 3 ladies playing in the team. LADIES playing with MEN. OMG. They've seriously got balls...well not literally. One of them played the Hooker, the other as In-Center and last one as a prop!! YES..PROP! OH MY...i really take my hat off them. Its really amazing how much guts they've got to play with men.

Anyway, I played for abt 30 mins during the second half. Didnt get a chance to play during the first cos i was late and the captain was shocked to hear that a scrony guy like me plays as a Second Row. He asked me a couple of questions.

Rick: "Which position do u play?"
Me: "Second row."
Rick: "Ohh..can u run?"
Me: "Well, yeah i can but not as fast as the backs."
Rick: "Hahaha..the forward pack u're abt to face are pretty huge and u dont look like you'll survive in the rugs. I hope u hv heavy bones."
Me: "yeah...i can manage."

YEAH RIGHT! I'm only 67 kg and those bastards out there were at least 80 to 100kg! hahaha.. I'm really really satisfied with my performance today. I have not played rugby for close to a yr, nv trained...except going for runs and working out in the gym, and i managed to survive for 30 mins and make quite a number of tackles. I feel so good. hahaha.. however, there's lots more for me to do, i need to buff up and improve my stamina.

We headed to the club for a nice cold shower after the game followed by a buffet reception and FREE FLOW OF BEER! Hahaha! Chicken curry with egg and potato was what we had. GOOD STUFF. Had a couple of glasses of beer while watching the match between ManU and Chelsea. BLOODY HELL...chelsea won. hell with that. The company i had was great..and so was the beer. =) Stayed on till the match ended...then i headed back home.

Hmmm..alright..i shall go watch some tv while waiting for my sweetheart to msg so that i can call her. Didnt manage to talk to her yesterday..sigh...i miss her so so much. =(

whats love?

2006-04-29T19:10:00.000+08:00

Love is Patient, Love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
its is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrong.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

absolutely beautiful and true.

hmmm..

2006-04-25T12:20:00.000+08:00

lets talk about my weekend. spent fri night over at wilson's place with the brotherhood and some of the girls to celebrate ernest's bday. BUT calista's name was on the bday cake. "Errr ooook"..it was meant to be a surprise but a pretty weird one cos ernest's name wasnt on the cake. ok nvm. I LEARNT HOW TO PLAY MAHJONG! i was playing with the girls cos i thought they were noobs...but i was wrong. xiao jiao and jasmine kept winning. bloody helll.. i was so determine to win them on just one game but i didnt. i will soon... its actually quite fun, the only difficulty i had was reading the chinese words! i cant believe i forgot whats north, south, east and west in chinese. even mukund, an indian can play mahjong. haha. anyway, i got bored after playing a few rounds cos the girls jus kept winning every round. We ordered Mcdonalds and it took them 1 hr. We had 2 unexpected guests, the freaking police came. we thought it was the mcs delivery man. Hahaha. After supper, i watched this lesbian serial, something similar to sex and the city, with ernest, mukund, jas and xiao jiao. its amazing to see how these lesbians think and act. they check out girls like how we guys do. sex scenes were alright..they didnt reveal much. after 3 episodes, i joined leon, amos and ernest and we talked abt those days in primary and sec sch. hahaha...those were the days and i reaaally reaally miss them. oh wells, we chatted till abt 7 plus and we headed hm to sleeep. i had to work at 3 till night and thats abt it for sat.

Did the usual on sunday, went to church with my family and then caught a thriller movie called "the sentinnel" with them after service. Abt an hour before the movie, i met up with sheryl and 2 other friends of hers. gosh..all she could ask me was how's my dad, mum, bro and sis. lol. after the movie, i headed down to CHINESE GARDEN to attend paulina's belated birthday party, which is all the way at JURONG. the train ride wasnt a long and boring one thanks to that special someone. =) Food was good but the drinks were better. hahahahaha. tried this beer called breda..didnt really like it. vanilla vodka is awesome shit. i think i drank abit too much cos i felt quite high...not drunk cos i was aware of what i was doing. i kinda like the feeling of getting a lil high..it makes me relaxed and sleepy. i like talking to that special someone after a couple of drinks, my mushy-meter jus shoots up. hahaha.. ok thats bollocks. i think drank abit too much cos i had a headache and i couldnt sleep properly. which means i had a freaking hangover and that feeling sucks.

i was late for work today cos i woke up late. I really tried to wake up earlier but my head felt so so heavy. i really needed to rest. work was fine...there were no customers at night therefore i was dismissed 2 hrs earlier! hahaha... anyway...i wanna go for a short run now. I cant wait to resume rugby at scc this wed. my skills are rusty and its gonna take time to be back on form. alright peeps..ciao!

*peace out!

driving license

2006-04-21T17:30:00.000+08:00

damn, i just realised that my probational driving license will expire on the 4th of june. I SERIOUSLY need to get my driving license before that date. shit..i only have less than 2 months and i've not applied for my final theory and lessons. NO i'm NOT gonna fail my final theory and i'm gonna try my best not to fail the practical test. I aint gonna go straight when the traffic light is red, keep going around the round-about in the OPPOSITE direction or just go straight when i need to brake unlike SOMEONE. =)

Just the way i'm feeling...

2006-04-13T16:40:00.000+08:00

I cant sleep because i just had mee goreng, a piece of choc cake, apple strudels, mango and lots of orange juice since abt 11. Feel really bloated. MMmmm....i like eating apple strudels. The first time i tried them was in perth, boy it was really really good. Ok its LATE and i need to sleep. Nite. Bye.

I'm too in love to let it go, but if i never try i'll never know.

At the same time i dont want to love someone and just let it go to waste.

The thought of it just sends streams of tears flowing down my face.

However, i'm going to hold on to you

because i believe in Faith.

Friendship

2006-04-07T16:35:00.000+08:00

I saw this being pasted outside a kindergarten at the treasury, which is near where i'm doing my attachment. Its amazing that these toddlers are being natured to treasure friendships, something that we, grown up teenagers who are becoming adults, have kind of taken for granted over the years. Well maybe not all of you out there have, but i admit i have.

Its really sad that some friends come and go. Somehow i just wish that i could keep in contact with them everyday and everyweek, but it seems really impossible. However, I thank God for The Brotherhood from the almighty Anglo-Chinese School (Barker Rd). Most of us meet up almost every week for prata at kayu to crap, gossip, joke, share about our week and other stuffs. However, these are brothers...just brothers. Hahaha...kidding. Hmmm..oh yes..not forgetting my gym buddy Leonardo Ong..the legend..HAH. A brother who signs me into his club to use the gym, attends sunday services together but has problems waking up for AFTERNOON services. Hahaha.. Thanks for signing me in to use the gym at the club man. =) Hmmm..another group of friends whom i see almost every week are the church ppl. Used to be pretty close to them but not really now i guess...dont really hv time to hang out with them. Oh! not forgetting my sch mates and classmates. A mini-united nations. Hahaha.. I may hv 400 plus friends on friendster but i hardly hv time for most of them. sucks sucks sucks. But i thank God for the friends i've been consistently in touch with every week for now. Its better to have a few close friends than to have many friends.

Hmmm...sharing of toys. Back in kindergarten, i still can remember playing lego with my lil friends during our break time. Our teachers would jus take out all the legos, have us sit in a circle and they will place all the toys and legos in the middle for us. Being afraid of getting the lousy pieces, we would jus rush the good stuffs. I remember being told by one of my teacher to share a few pieces with a boy and i was a lil reluctant cos i wanted to share it with my kindergarten crush who was sitting beside me. Hahaha! I ended up sharing with both of them because i didnt hv a choice. Hahaha..boy those were the days. Now, i dont have any toys to share with because i dont have any toys! Well..i have my cool 20GB ipod and i guess that all abt it? Yes i do share it with ppl whom i trust.

YAY!!! today's roz's and my 2nd month. Happy 2nd darl.. :) iheartu and i miss you very much.

Alright..gonna sleep and wake up early to head to the gym! zzzz..

13 weeks of attachment

2006-04-04T16:30:00.000+08:00

I'm into the 2nd week of my outlet attachment. The 1st week was really really tiring. I had to wake up at 530 to 6 EVERY MORNING last week. Wth..i hv problems waking up at 7 or 8. hahaha.. Anyway...i was only late ONCE last week. *phew* Let me give u guys a rough idea of how my 13 weeks attachment is like. I have to do different shifts on alternate weeks..so since i was in the morning shift last week..i'll be in the afternoon shift the following week and its the same for the rest of the weeks. Working hours for the morning shift is from 715am to 330pm and the afternoon shift starts from 245pm to 11pm.

Trying to wake up at 530 in the morning last week was a REAL challenge, but thanks to roz for making it easier with those "wake up msges" :) . Working in the morning shift was a struggle for me cos i was always sleepy. Oh and btw...WE DONT GET PAID. The thought of it sucks big time...there is hardly any motivation for me to work besides learning. There was really nothing much to do in the morning besides waiting for time to jus pass..and i swear it felt like forever. Whenever i was bored..i would either, stare at the traffic light across the road and count how long it would take for the traffic like to turn green and vice versa, how many times the green man on the traffic light would blink before it turns red, stare out into no where and think of that special someone, smile to myself like a mofo and send a couple of msges, chat around with my friends and pray that God will just do something to the clock. There were hardly any customers in the mid afternoon..the crowd would only start coming at about 1 plus or 2. Oh yes...i hate my SFT (special field trainer). She's got the face of darth sith...and she's so so freaking bossy. She's always commanding and ordering us around and she hardly says "please" or "thanks". She tries to speak really fluently during debriefs but she cant..gosh..the moment she opens her mouth, it just turns me off. Instuctions she gives are not clear and she always pretends not to hear u calling her. BITCH!

Today's my first day doing the afternoon shift. I was the bartender and wine waiter. Time flies pretty fast during this shift..i guess its because its busier and theres more for us to do, but there were times i was bored too. There were so many mocktails i had to make today because there were so many orders. During dinner, an old caucasian couple ordered a bottle of white wine to go along with their meal and i had to open it infront of them. Initially, i was quite nervous because i was so afraid that i would break the cock...i mean the wine cock. hurr. I was struggling a lil while opening the wine however it went well, it didnt break. :) Well after pouring the wine into their glasses, i left them alone to enjoy their appettizer and their wine and decided to ask them whether they liked the wine after that. Boy they loved the wine. Guess what? i managed to strike a conversation with them. I began by asking them which country their from and how long have they been staying here and stuff. They are from australia, brisbane and they've been here for a week! Oh my...i swear they are very friendly and nice. I was standing infront of their table and they were telling me about how they love the weather in Singapore. My gosh...they love the heat and humidity here. They feel that Hong Kong was too cold for them..thats why they decided to fly over here. At first, they sailed from Brisbane to Hong Kong and then flew here. They were also telling me about how beautiful Yarra Valley Wineyard is, which is in victoria, australia, and thats where their daughter held her wedding. How awesome is that?! =) I think i was talking to them for about 5 mins after their main course. They are really nice old folks. After they left, my friend, who read the comment card which they filled up, told me that i made their stay a very memorable one. All Glory to God. You have no idea how satisfied and happy i was when i heard that. How i wish to be able to meet and interact with guests like them everyday during my attachment. It would be much more interesting.

Daamn...i cant wait for 13 weeks to be over. Then it'll be JUNE!! I hope i'll be doing the morning shift on the last week of attachment so that i can spend time with roz when she's back. I'm so so excited!! =)))

SHIT!!!! I jus realised that i totally forgot about april fool's day! Now i've gotta wait for a yr. -_-

Hmmm...i feel like having ice cream..BEN AND JERRY'S!!!! =D

come back...

2006-03-25T04:30:00.000+08:00

EXAMS ARE FINALLY OVER!

firstly...i wanna say that this semester is the WORST! I've been failing almost all my tests..sigh. Exams sucked too. SUCK TO THE CORE. I just got back my term 1 results..got a GPA of 2.65. Alot of ppl in class got 3 and above....how embarrassing. Well i was pretty close to getting a GPA of 3...if only i didnt get so many C's. Yes i could have done better. Ya know..i was actually quite up set when i showed my dad my results slip. All he said was "SO u jus did above average huh?". Like wth, cant he put in some good words and encouragement? I know it sucked but at least i didnt get 2 points right? Darn..

secondly...i really miss rozanne. thank god she'll be back in june. hopefully i can go over in august for her formal dinner. i just hope she comes back for good. sigh..i really miss her so damn much. =(

alright...i've got nothing else to blog for now.

The Beach

2006-03-10T18:00:00.000+08:00

Had a beach outing @ sentosa with The Brotherhood last sunday. I woke up at abt 8 and i found out AT THE VERY LAST MIN that i had to serve in church, sorry but i couldnt just leave my friends at the last minute..we already planned it a week ago. I would have seriously gone to serve if i was informed at least a few days before hand. I'm actually supposed to be added in the yahoo group..but i dont know what happened. Anyway...we had a great time playing around with the rugby ball at the beach. Ariel cant kick the ball for nuts...lol...i'm really impressed that iylia can catch and kick the ball pretty well for a non-rugger. *respect. Damn..the intensity of the sun wasn't very consistant...it was so freaking hot when we were playing touch rugby, but when we wanted to jus lie down and tan..the sun would be covered by a huge patch of grey clouds after awhile. Sucks..i didnt really get a tan. I think the guys were pretty disappointed...there werent many hot chicks...only a few. Hahaha. Oh oh! We tried the Luge after our beach session. Its actually like a mini go-kart...except that it has no engine. so we had to take a cable-chair to the top of the hill..and jus glide down the hill from there, with many corners. Its pretty fast..especially when u enter a corner. Ernest actually went straight into the kerb..i dont know how the hell is that possible..but he did. Well..thank God he didnt get hurt. I nearly got into a few accidents while attempting to overtake...all thanks to DARREN! U watch out!!! Hahaha...Its REALLY fun...but i must say its pretty short..thats why there was a promotion of 15 bucks for 3 rides. Here are pics taken on and off the beach..

Motherpuss on the left and Mr Suave on the right =)

Ernest and Iylia

Darren at the bottom

Ariel the manmaid

Wilson and Iylia looking really weird while tanning. Hahaha..

Lick it right..

On the Cable Chair heading to the Luge

Oh guess what? The SCDF ppl used bangla workers as dummies while they were testing out the cable chair before they opened it to public. Wth right?

Feat. Ernest and the Manmaid

Feat. Britney, Darren and Muks

EMO KID.

Bollywood star and sexy Darren with his sexy long hair.

Peeka-Boo!

Today was my class's Theme Party...well its a class project. We managed to sell all the tix in one or 2 days. Thank God that it went smoothly during the dinner...and in the end...we all got full marks for the project. 20/20! A great success..all glory to God. Oh and my parents attended the dinner! Am glad they came ON TIME. Haha.. Thank god my teacher spoke to my dad and clarified with him that we have not gotten back our results. I think my dad has been having the impression that i've been hiding my results from him...which is not true! Hate it whenever he asks me abt my results because i dont like repeating the same answer over and over again. Gosh...exam's in 2 weeks time..and time is not on my side...but God is! So i trust that He will make my study time productive. =)

Oh! Tuesday was roz's and my first month. =) I really miss u roz...if only u could be back during the commonwealth games. I miss your kisses, i miss your hugs, i miss holding your oh so smooth hands, i miss looking into your forever unique sparkling eyes...there's so much i miss abt u. Thank God i still get to talk to you on the phone...am really grateful for that. i heart you. =)

i wish i could be...

2006-03-05T09:15:00.000+08:00

Let me in
to see you in the morning light
to get me on and all along the tears they come
see all come
I want you to believe in life
but I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away
will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

lift me up
just lift me up don't make a sound
and let me hold you up before you hit the Ground
see all come
you say your all right
but I get the strangest feeling
that you've gone away- you've gone away
and will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

Don't give me up
don't give me up tonight
or soon nothing will be right at all
salvation will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted

Errr...

2006-03-03T11:45:00.000+08:00

Woke up at abt 11 today...then i went down to bowl with my classmates for abt 2 hrs. Then i headed down to CCAB to play soccer with some of leo's friends. I also threw some rugby balls with leo. Damn...i've really lost the touch...i cant even catch a drop ball properly...its very shaky. I need to practice..hopefully i will have time to practice at the club. Yes...i'm glad i went down 'cause i had a slight tan! I cant wait for sunday's beach outing with the brotherhood..hope it will be hot and sunny. Anyway...i'm such a noob..i only jus found out how to load pics on the blog. Anyway...here is a pic of the people i played soccer with today.

From Left to Right: Joel and i were the only ones smiling. Leo looking like a fag, Robin looking as though he's posing for portrait of himself 50 yrs down the road, Donn and Caleb like some bengs.

Leo looking like a fag again. Robin, much better. Why cant you guys just smile?

Anyway...here's a couple of pics taken with josh and felicia at Dance Works 2006 at Marina Square last Saturday.

Josh and I were forced into doing this